Pigskin Prophet: Sign Stealing Halloween Edition

by Pigskin Prophet - Contributor - Fri Nov 03 07:00:05 GMT-04:00 2023

I won the Halloween costume contest at church this week, and I am very proud of that fact.

I originally wanted to go as a college football head coach with a broken foot – I have a walking boot left over from when my sister Bertha Jane stepped on me – and I was going to wear a Gamecock hat, sweatshirt, and a headset and walk around throwing mini temper tantrums all night.

But I decided to go as Jim and borrowed Michigan gloves, a hat, and a sweatshirt from a friend. I added some pressed khaki pants, a dazed and confused expression, binoculars, and play sheets with the names of other teams.

But then a funny thing happened on the way to church. You know how we get a lot of small election signs on the side of the road this time of year? Wearing that outfit, I couldn’t help myself. I would jump out of the car and I stole every one of the signs. School board. Taxes. You name it, I stole the signs.

I won the contest at church over a kid dressed as Beamer – he had the fits down but not the petulant look – and when I got home my wife discovered all of my stolen signs. She told me I needed to get rid of them.

So, I sent all 47 of them via UPS to Harbaugh in Ann Arbor, and I signed the paperwork as Connor Stalion. Hope he gets them and can use them against Ohio St.

Now, onto some games.

FRIDAY

BOSTON COLLEGE AT SYRACUSE

Ah, the good old ACC. A Friday night game in a bubble named after a wireless company that has no wireless capabilities. I guess someone has to win, right? Does anyone really care? SYRACUSE 24, BOSTON COLLEGE 20

SATURDAY

NOTRE DAME AT CLEMSON

The day kicks off with this one in Death Valley. The Irish kicked the Tigers in the teeth in South Bend last season, and bring 69-year-old quarterback Sam Hartman, who joined the ACC in 1977, with them. This group of Tigers is on a two-game losing streak, commit turnovers at an alarming rate, and are banged up. The call from Tyler energized head coach Dabo Swinney and this group might come out and play well and keep it interesting. But the Irish are physical, have a running game, and a field goal kicker. IRISH 27, TIGERS 24

KANSAS ST. AT TEXAS

A big game in the Big 12. Don’t look now but Kansas St. has won three in a row and travel to take on a Longhorn team breaking in a new quarterback. The Cats take care of the football (eight turnovers this season, three in one game), but the defense gives up yards through the air. The key for Texas will be taking care of the football and letting the running game do the work. Without the killer turnover. Easier said than done. TEXAS 31, KANSAS ST. 24

JACKSONVILLE ST. AT SOUTH CAROLINA

Who knew that Rich Rodriguez was the head coach of the Gamecocks? Yeah, the Jacksonville St. ones, not the others. Listen, it’s kinda sad that we are going to have Gamecock on Gamecock crime this weekend in what one would call, ahem, a Gamecock fight without the game part of it. In most places, you would get arrested for this, but here in South Carolina, women wear those words proudly on their shirts and scream. So who will be Spurs Up (which is a cute slogan, but it means the chicken died) and who will be Spurs Out? I think the ones with the dirty drinking water. GAMECOCKS 37, Gamecocks 22

MISSOURI AT GEORGIA

This is a pretty good Missouri team, and the Dawgs can’t overlook these Tigers. Georgia has had its way of late, playing in the weak SEC East and a terrible out-of-conference schedule that includes Enoree Baptist Church, the Central Under-12 Rec Tigers, and the Lady Gamecocks. Missouri takes care of the football and has a quarterback that can make plays. And while this Georgia squad hasn’t been tested, they are still pretty darn good. And this game will be pretty darn good. I hope. GEORGIA 30, MISSOURI 26

LSU AT ALABAMA

This doesn’t have the same cachet as past seasons, but it still is a good matchup. But like a women’s prison, there is no D in Baton Rouge, and the Crimson Tide should be able to put up a lot of points. Alabama, outside of the loss to Texas, has been just good enough to win games in what is a very down year for the SEC. But this LSU squad can score, and they will score a bunch. Alabama scores a few more. ALABAMA 41, LSU 35

OKLAHOMA AT OKLAHOMA ST.

Another big game in the Big 12, and both of these teams are playing well. The Sooners took it on the chin against Kansas last week and hope to keep their College Football Playoff and Big 12 title hopes alive. And, don’t forget, this might be the last edition of Bedlam with the Sooners’ move to the SEC next season. What will happen? Kansas was able to run the football effectively last week, and my guess is so will the Cowboys. COWPOKES 33, SOONERS 30