Pigskin Prophet: Time to kick the chicken in a dress edition |
Welcome to the annual chicken kickin’.
Clemson and South Carolina renew acquaintances Saturday in Death Valley in a rivalry called Domination. But before we talk about that game and all the rivalry games this week, let’s take a moment to tell what we are thankful for at Pigskin Prophet Headquarters. We are thankful to have a stadium that doesn’t look like a dead bug, and tailgating spots covered by old trees instead of warehouses. We are thankful that the ice in our stadium is made out of water. Or, mostly water. We are thankful for fans that stay until the final gun, no matter the score, and celebrate on the field. We are thankful for great traditions like running down the hill and rubbing Howard’s Rock and the Tiger. We’ve heard, just rumors surely, that other schools play movie themes, have a mascot that wears a dress, takes a shower in public behind a plastic curtain, and a team that enters the field with fire extinguishers. Once all of that “tradition” is done, the students jump up and down, wave the white flag in surrender, and head out to Five Points to disappoint their parents. But it’s still a rivalry, and remember that Clemson students and South Carolina students – and graduates – all have one thing in common: they were all accepted at South Carolina. Now let’s look at the games. THURSDAY MISS. ST. AT OLE MISS Is this Lane Kiffin’s last game in Oxford? Will the Egg Bowl be his swan song before he heads elsewhere? This one should be fun, if only because it has Kiffin and the pirate, Mike Leach. Both offenses are known for spreading the field, but Ole Miss has been pretty good at running the ball this year and that will set up a lot of easy third-down conversions. Plus, it’s in Oxford, and those people will Hotty Toddy their way to a win. OLE MISS 31, MISS ST. 24 FRIDAY NC STATE AT UNC Both teams have suffered recent losses that are head-scratchers. They also hate each other. NC State and their fans will try to put on their best clothes and leave their modest two-room dwellings to go hang out with the upper crust in Chapel Hill, but their plaid shirts will be easily recognizable by the sweater-wearing Muffies and Buffies, and fisticuffs will ensure where Beaux will throw his wine spritzer and charcuterie board at a Wolfpack ruffian in a fit of pique. The NC State fan will laugh, wipe his nose on his sleeve, and make the wolf hand gesture while babbling about laptops. Then the Heels will win the game. UNC 30, NC STATE 23 FLORIDA AT FLORIDA ST. Billy Napier has had an up-and-down first year in Gainesville, with big wins and crazy losses and a ton of inconsistency. Florida St. has been mostly up since losing to Clemson, and while they’ve rolled, it has been against some of the lesser competition in the ACC. This week is a chance to prove they’re for real, and they get to do it at home. The Seminoles mount up on Renegade, dangle some Gator bait at the end of the spear, and put the rest of the state on notice that they’re the best team. FLORIDA ST. 34, FLORIDA 30 SATURDAY GEORGIA TECH AT GEORGIA I am calling it. Calling my shot. Georgia Tech will be in this game right up until kickoff. And then they won’t. Sure, a Bulldog running around and getting a mouth full of bees is never a good idea, but these bees have had their stingers removed by the nerds in Atlanta, and they mostly just buzz around and sound loud but don’t really do anything. The Bulldogs will then take all the honey(s) away from the nerds for another year. GEORGIA 41, BEES 6 MICHIGAN AT OHIO ST. Jim Harbaugh, the man of many khaki pants and stupid expressions, has his Wolverines playing at a fairly high level. That’s the good news. The bad news is that they’ve haven’t played anybody with much of a pulse, but they will find a bunch of nuts with a pulse in the Horseshoe. Ohio St. has put out a siren call for everyone to return home for the game against the team from up north, and that left Myrtle Beach restaurants, hotels and condos scrambling for business after all the Buckeyes left to head home. But they face a Michigan defense that is pretty good, and this one will be interesting for much of the day. But the Buckeyes, thrilled with three T-shirts for $10 with sharks on them, will carry the day with the offense. OHIO ST. 33, MICHIGAN 23 SOUTH CAROLINA AT CLEMSON Sure, South Carolina played well against Tennessee. But we knew the Vols were a fraud because Alabama had 17 penalties and several turnovers and the Vols still only won by a field goal. That Tennessee defense is atrocious. Clemson’s defense is not atrocious, and Spencer will be Rattled from the start. And while we are talking defense, South Carolina’s is putrid. The 800 South Carolina fans that actually bought tickets will have to realize that trip won’t be in vain – they get to see what real football tradition looks like. And what an updated ACC Championship banner – more recent than 1969 – looks like. CLEMSON 34, SOUTH CAROLINA 16 AUBURN AT ALABAMA Auburn wants to win, but they want a new coach more. Not close. Sorry Cadillac, you turn into a jalopy after this one. ALABAMA 44, AUBURN 14
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