2008 USC football ticket application

Apr 30, 2008, 8:00 AM

2008 USC FOOTBALL SEASON TICKET APPLICATION

Please check the appropriate box(es):

_ I prefer seating at field level.
WARNING: Not responsible for your safety from our athletes.
Please leave all electronic gear at home.

_ I prefer seating near a portal.
WARNING: Not responsible for halftime and 3rd quarter stampedes from
our fans.

_ I prefer seating near the visitors seating.
WARNING: Must be able to tolerate excessive 2nd half cheering from our
opponents as our team self implodes.

_ I prefer seating near the 2001 entrance portal.
WARNING: Must be able to tolerate the ganja smoke created as the players
enter Williams Brice. No one under 18 allowed.

New Offers for 2008(Half-game seating)

_ I prefer 1st half seats only at a 10% reduced rate
_ I prefer 2nd half seats only at an 80% reduced rate (ample quantities
available)

Parking

_ I prefer premium parking next to stadium. (Send checkbook to gamecock
club)

_ I prefer parking near Cockabooses. Tracks and program headed in same
direction. Tickets optional. HDTV and wet bar rcommended.

_ I prefer parking on the dirt in the State Fairgrounds. Dust masks
recommended.
Not recommended for those fans on a respirator device.

_ I prefer parking next to the abandoned warehouses (Please specify
loading dock area or train tracks)

_ I prefer parking in crack alley. No one under 18 allowed.

_ I prefer parking next to Columbia City Animal Control on Shop Road (No
cockfighting allowed)

_ I prefer parking on the old City of Columbia landfill on Shop Road
(Smoking discouraged near methane gas vent pipes)

New Economy Parking Offers for 2008

_ I prefer parking at the scenic Metro Wastewater Treatment Facility.
Derrick Watson and Demetrius Summers to provide transportation to and
from stadium at your own risk.

_ I prefer parking at the Richland County Detention Facility (Former
players will be available two hours prior to game time for autographs).
Transportation will be provided in "secure" buses by RCDF.

_ I prefer parking in the visitor parking area (free keying of opponents
cars provided after losses by an experienced player). Transportation to
stadium provided by scooter.

Voluntary Contribution

I would like to donate ______ additional dollars to the Richland County
Detention Facility for housing and feeding many of our student athletes
during the past year.

I would like to donate ______ additional dollars to the athletic
department's staff attorney, Neal Lourie, to retain his services year
round to defend athletes.

I would like to donate ______ additional dollars to AA for the
rehabilitation of Stephen Garcia and other student athletes caught
during the past year for alcohol or drug problems.

As in the past, all season ticket holders will receive a year's free
supply of our special Coot Kool Aide.

Special Athletic Department Merchandise Purchases

I would like to purchase______ Spur lids (1 for $15, 2 for $10, 3 or
more $5 each) for following purpose (please check all appropriate lines):

· ____show off my mullet haircut
· ____allow my bald head to get a circular sun burn
· ____allow rain to cool down my bald head with the circular sun burn
· ____raise athletic defense funds (see Neal Lourie)
· ____allow me to look like my football savior, Spurlid
· ____tossing on to the field in frustration...just like Spurlid
· ____all of the above

I would like to purchase ______ bottles of the Head Ball Coach 2008
vintage Chardonnay (1 for $15, 2 for $10, 3 or more for $5 each) for
following purpose (please check all appropriate lines):

· ____show off my knowledge as a fine wine connoisseur
· ____add to my fine wine collection hidden under my trailer
· ____donate to winos found in my parking space (see above parking
selection)
· ____raise athletic defense funds (see Neal Lourie)
· ____donate proceeds to AA for rehabilitation of Stephen Garcia
· ____drink sophisticated wine like my football savior, Spurlid.
· ____tossing on to the field in frustration
· ____all of the above

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2008 USC football ticket application

Too funny! Just forwarded to all coot fans I know. More.....***

Too freakin' funny-----good one !!!!

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