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Scholar [4739]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 9528
Joined: 2/6/03
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I'd like to leave yall for Christmas with these thoughts...
Dec 21, 2007, 11:19 AM
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SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it
alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover? The
position of the dirt bag.
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it
What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? One US
leader
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.
Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless
you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely? Because Janet Reno is her real
father.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a
room together? 100 people who don't do ####
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)
What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control? Their personalities.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45
minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with
a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After
a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest #####? The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they
have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine
has the ###### on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? Are
you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts
are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't
have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi? He walks around saying
"Yo."
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and
Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff) What's
the Cuban National Anthem? "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other? A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast? They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the
F...word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a
southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A
southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ####..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go
on the good rides
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All-TigerNet [11894]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 7595
Joined: 8/25/05
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LOL at "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"...***
Dec 21, 2007, 11:41 AM
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null [113]
TigerPulse: null%
Posts: 213
Joined: 8/29/06
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One more to add to your list (one of my favorites)...
Dec 21, 2007, 11:47 AM
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?
-The hooker will stop screwing you after you die.
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Virtuoso [486]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1375
Joined: 5/30/03
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There are some GEMS in there Paddy, have a good Christmas***
Dec 21, 2007, 11:47 AM
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All-TigerNet [11170]
TigerPulse: 93%
Posts: 24737
Joined: 9/10/99
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What do you tell a woman with a black eye?
Dec 21, 2007, 11:49 AM
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Nothing, you already told her once.
What do you do when your drunk husband is stumbling around drunk in the front yard?
Shoot him again.
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Commissioner [924]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1841
Joined: 11/29/04
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excellent collection :)***
Dec 21, 2007, 11:50 AM
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Commissioner [924]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 1841
Joined: 11/29/04
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Nativity scene canceled in Columbia...
Dec 21, 2007, 12:15 PM
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couldn't find three wise men and a virgin...
rim shot please
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110%er [6698]
TigerPulse: 100%
Posts: 5004
Joined: 10/31/04
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Thanks for the laughs Paddy***
Dec 21, 2007, 12:17 PM
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null [10]
TigerPulse: null%
Posts: 8
Joined: 11/14/07
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What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?
Dec 21, 2007, 12:36 PM
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Christopher Walken
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