Jokes

Jul 30, 2013, 9:25 PM

As we approach the mid-week grind, I pass along a few jokes sent to me by a relative;

Steve Spurrier, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around when they came to a modest little house with a faded Gamecocks flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity," said God. "This is very special, not everyone gets a house up here."

The coach felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story mansion that had a 50 foot tall flagpole with an enormous Clemson Tigers flag, and in every window was the Clemson logo.

The coach looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I tried to be a nice fella, maybe I ran my mouth a bit at times but...''

God said, "So, what's your question?"

"Well," said the coach, "why does Danny Ford get a better house than me?"

God responded, "That's not Danny Ford's house, it's mine."

One foggy night, a Clemson fan and a Coot fan were driving the opposite directions. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.

The Coot manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car, spat on the ground and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"

Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.

The sc fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."

The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."

The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Gamecock fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Gamecock fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After chugging down half of the bottle, the Gamecock fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"

The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

Hope you guys enjoyed them! Have a great evening!

And coot fans, please don't bother with endless banter AGAIN. I'm not here to win a popularity contest and I don't care if you don't like my opinions. You don't have to. I stay off your lawn so why not stay off ours?

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