Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, LGBT's and heteros....

Feb 7, 2013, 8:48 AM

It’s time once again for the 2013 edition of The RH Tig Recruiting Roundup, brought to you by RH Tig, Tigernet’s premier anonymous internet college football recruiting expert and sponsored by The RH Tig College Football Recruiting Newsletter, one of the few true bargains left in America today for the low, low price of just $49.99 per week! Stay in the loop on Clemson Tiger football recruiting tidbits for just dollars per day! With the fine print out of the way, let’s get started…

Ben Boulware – Ben is one of the jewels of this class as both a five star RH Tig prospect, and almost as important, an ESPN Fecal Humor All-American. Ben is tougher than a rhinoceros hide bag of nails, and his Twitter skills are advanced beyond that of the typical high school football recruit. There is little doubt that Coach Dabo Swinney is going to lean on Boulware early to retweet his hilarious back and forth banter with Coach Steve Spurrier to a larger audience, and most recruiting analysts, me included, feel that Boulware will quickly rise to this challenge. Boulware reminds me of a younger, more athletic, bigger, stronger, meaner, smarter, and funnier Tom Green.

Dorian O’Daniel – Clemson has a long coveted tough Irish linebackers, and O’Daniel is exactly that. If Clemson has any hope of competing with traditional Irish powerhouses like Notre Dame and The University of Dublin, this is exactly the type kid that Coach Swinney will have to continue to woo to Clemson. O’Daniel evaluates as a five star RH Tig prospect and entertains an impressive list of offers, the likes of which include ACC, SEC, Big 10, and PAC 10 schools, as well as an offer to roadie for Irish rock band U2. O’Daniel reminds me of another defensive great of Irish heritage, Sandra Day O’Conner.

Tyshon Dye – Dye is another RH Tig 5 star prospect, and the type of power runner that offensive coordinator Chad Morris has been looking for since he arrived at Clemson. Dye is a kid who is not afraid to put his head down and run through a tackler until his blood and gore encrusted facemask emerges from the back of said defender’s jersey. Since this is not technically murder, I think both the Clemson coaching staff and the Clemson fans will be comfortable with Dye’s running style. Dye reminds me of a murderous young Ray Lewis, except without all the lawyers and cops.

Ebenezer Ogundeko – Ogundeko is a somewhat controversial choice for Clemson defensive coordinator Brent Venables, mostly because of the fact that the word ‘gun’ in part of his last name, and as we all know, guns have been a hotly debated topic in this political climate. Ogundeko is an RH Tig five star recruit that has already enrolled in school and to this point, has not shot anyone. If this continues to hold true, Clemson fans can expect this kid to be a rising star. Ogundeko reminds me of New York Giant Osi Umenyiora because you can pronounce the first name OK, but you’re never really sure if you got the last name right or not.

Kyrin Priester – Priester was considered to be one of the absolute must-haves of this recruiting class, as Clemson hasn’t been able to lure a Priester to campus since Raymond graduated in 1997. A 2013 RH Tig five star prospect, Priester is expected to help bolster a receiving corps that will suffer a huge blow in the early departure of All American DeAndre Hopkins. To recover from such a devastating loss, the Clemson staff dipped into NC State’s impressive commitment list to steal this prized jewel from the high-powered offensive juggernaut Wolfpack. In the end, Priester just felt as though Clemson was a better fit than NC State, mostly because he did not have a kid. Kyrin Priester reminds me of former Clemson great Raymond Priester, who also did not play at NC State and also did not have a kid.

Mike Williams – Williams is the prototype tall, leaping wide receiver that the Clemson staff truly covets in this class. Vastly underrated as a four star by most of the second-rate recruiting services like Rivals, Scout, and ESPN, Williams earned a solid five star rating on the highly accurate and scientifically-based RH Tig College Football Recruiting Performance Scale. With his stretched frame and long wingspan, Williams is the double threat that the Coach Swinney is looking for to go up and get the ball at its highest point, as well as being able to help change light bulb over the credenza in his office, making it totally unnecessary for him to have to send a memo down to Coach Brownell to borrow one of his basketball players. Williams reminds me of a younger, shorter Harold Carmichael.

Scott Pagano – Pagano is fantastic coup for Brent Venables’ young defensive line, and this RH Tig five star prospect is expected to contribute early. He’ll also be the first Hawaiian I can ever remember playing football at Clemson. Given his size, agility, and attitude, we’re expecting him to be a Honolulu of a player for the Tigers. He’s just Dakine of upgrade in talent Clemson needs to ‘nasty up’ the d-line. A good looking kid, I have no doubts that Pagano will frequently be getting lei’d on campus. Clemson fans should be very happy with Coach Swinney’s efforts in securing this recruit…even those that Oahu during Tiger Rag. Pagao reminds me of a young Don Ho.

Shaquille Lawson – Lawson is another in a long line of local products from Daniel High School that the Clemson coaching staff absolutely loves to have on the team because they assimilate quickly by virtue of having the knowledge that not only is there a Chick-Fil-A on campus, but where on campus it’s actually located. Lawson is one of the nation’s best defensive end prospects and the coaching staff knows he’s serious about football, and not just some Cassanova looking for a good time. Lawson is one of the rare RH Tig six star prospects, earning five stars for being dominant in high school, and a bonus star for being dominant at Hargrave Military Academy. Lawson reminds me of former NFL great Coy Bacon. Because who doesn’t absolutely LOVE bacon?

Dane Rogers – Rogers is an RH Tig five star defensive end prospect, and the Clemson coaching staff is excited to have a top notch recruit form Crest High School in Shelby, NC. Rogers is a vicious hitter, and a devoted practitioner of dental hygiene, as most Crest graduates have proven to be in the past. The chance for early playing time and to develop under the tutelage of a defensive mind like Clemson defensive coordinator Brent Venables was enough to sway Rogers into accepting an offer from the Tigers over Colgate University. When you look at Rogers Close-Up, it’s his intangibles that really put this kid on the fast track to an Ultra Brite career at Clemson. Rogers reminds me of a young Dr. Teeth from The Muppet Show.

Jordan Leggett – Leggett is tall, rangy five star RH Tig tight end prospect with decent speed and soft mitts. Getting this kid was a real homerun for the Clemson offense, and the staff thinks he has the potential to someday be a big leaguer. Offensive coordinator Chad Morris was the first to offer Leggett, and after hearing Morris’ pitch, Leggett the Tigers in a walk. Luckily for Clemson, the other programs that followed suit in offering Leggett dropped the ball by not getting in on him early. Even though he received some impressive late offers from high profile programs, they all struck out as Leggett felt most comfortable at Clemson. Leggett is a little underweight for a college tight end, but the staff believes that some time in the weight room will polish this diamond in the rough into a big time closer. Leggett reminds me of Clemson baseball coach Jack Leggett, because their last names are almost nearly close to being identically the same.

Wayne Gallman – Every once in a while, Coach Swinney is able to reel in a HUGE prospect, and Gallman was that prize for 2013 cycle. Gallman is a five star RH Tig running back who could have just as easily gone professional and signed with Ole Miss with the rest of his high school team instead of staying loyal to his original commitment to play college football. It says volumes about the state of the Tiger program that such a highly touted recruit would turn down the vast riches of playing professional ball in Mississippi to be a student-athlete at Clemson instead. Certainly it could be argued that his decision was out of fear of dealing with the numerous secretive groups that seek to forward Caucasian ideals that seemingly still run rampant in the state of Mississippi, but I’d like to think that it’s a testament to Gallman’s character that he is the type of kid that makes a commitment and then sticks to it. Gallman reminds me of my dog, mostly because I can’t think of a human that actually espouses the kind of loyalty and commitment that Gallman displays.

Jayron Kearse – Coach Dabo Swinney has had great success in luring recruits with NFL pedigrees to Clemson, and Kearse is no exception. Kearse is the nephew of former NFL superstar defensive end Jevon “The Freak” Kearse, and Jayron is a freak in his own right. First off, Kearse is fast. Like, cheetah-taped-to-his-back fast. Second, the Clemson coaching staff was amazed that Kearse could shake his head AND wave his hand both at the same time. They had never seen anything like it. This ability to do two things at once earned Kearse a coveted five star designation from RH Tig, as well as the opportunity to bring this freakish athleticism to the big stage of ACC football. Kearse reminds me of his uncle Jevon, mostly for his all around freakishness.

T.J. Green – Anytime you can steal a commitment from the big football powers like Alabama, Auburn, and UAB, you know your program is on the fast track, and T.J. Green is proof of this. Considered a huge victory for Clemson’s recruiting staff, flipping Green so late in the game only proves that Coach Swinney totally lives up to his reputation as a closer. Green earned a coveted RH Tig five star selection as a prep player, and Coach Dabo Swinney has compared Green to Clemson receiving stalwarts such as Tyler Grisham and Adam Humphries. The RH Tig evaluation staff sees this well-spoken young man as being a bit more mobile than Humphries or Grisham. Green reminds me of a young Wes Welker after he’s been on vacation in the Caribbean for a several weeks during a world-wide sunblock lotion shortage.

Cordrea Tankersly – Tankersly was a signee in the 2012 class, but when he learned that he had been pegged as only an RH Tig five star player, he decided to put off enrolling at Clemson so that he could earn a bonus star at Hargrave and then come back as one of the exceptionally rare RH Tig six star players. This is the type of dedication that the school, the game, the recruiting industry, and the Clemson coaching staff is always on the lookout for, and Tankersly is now ready to make good on that extra year of work against top flight military school competition. And that added year of maturation has not changed what I said about him last year…Tankersley STILL reminds me of former Chappelle’s Show great Charlie Murphy. Seriously, go do a Google image search like I told you in 2012.

Jadar Johnson – Another vastly underrated prospect by the second tier recruiting services that is already enrolled in school, Johnson is a solid RH Tig five star prospect. Johnson is a fierce-hitting defender that has an uncanny knack for finding the ball carrier…almost as if he sends out some kind of an inaudible signal that bounces back to tell him exactly where the ball is and on what trajectory he will be able to collide with the offensive player carrying the ball. I’m sure there is some name for this almost supernatural ability, but I’m stumped as to what to call it at the moment. Johnson reminds me of Walter O’Reilly from the TV show MASH because of his uncanny ability to be somewhere before you even know you need him.

Maverick Morris – Once again, Dabo Swinney breaks new ground in the recruiting arena by lassoing a recruit with a bona fide cowboy name. Clemson University boasts the T. Ed Garrison Arena at Clemson University which is recognized as one of the premier multi-purpose livestock facilities in the Southeast, but the staff has been somewhat unsuccessful in bolstering past recruiting classes with top caliber cowboy names until now. Maverick Morris is an RH Tig five star prospect as an offensive tackle, and Coach Robbie Caldwell is hoping break this wild bronco so that Morris can wrangle his way into the lineup and spur the offense to even greater heights. Morris reminds me of a young Buffalo Bill Cody.

D.J. Greenlee – Greenlee is another local product from the Daniel High School pipeline, and comes to Clemson as an RH Tig five star prospect. Many fans are under the impression that this was a charity scholarship offer because Greenlee’s father is on the strength staff at Clemson, but they would be wrong. The Clemson coaching staff placed a high priority on getting a DJ on campus for this cycle, and those who have seen Greenlee spin the dope hits say he has the potential to be the next Deadmau5. After reviewing film of several Daniel High School dances, I have to say that he reminds me more of Paul Oakenfold.

Marcus Edmond – Not only once, but TWICE this year was Clemson able to sway a recruit that had previously committed to one of the major football powerhouses in the state of North Carolina and come away with a gem. Edmond earned a five star RH Tig designation by virtue of being a very fast, very versatile, and a good enough for NC State type player. Edmond is projected to play on the defensive side of the ball at Clemson, and I know that Defensive Coordinator Brent Venables might have finally found that missing Kid ‘N Play Hi-top fade haircut his defense sorely lacked this past year. Edmond reminds me of a young Christopher ‘Kid’ Reid, and for Tiger opponents, he’ll be a nightmare on their street.

Korrin Wiggins – Wiggins was a NSD surprise that Clemson fans have come to not only relish, but expect from Dabo Swinney and his staff. Wiggins had been committed to UNC for well over a year, and at the last minute flipped the switch and decided to sign with the Tigers. Most likely, the inducements of early playing at Clemson and the actually having to show up for class and complete course work to earn an African-American Studies degree that does not translate to the job market from UNC were compelling reasons to make the jump. Wiggins grades out as an RH Tig five star prospect and reminds me another superstar with the same name, D'wayne Wiggins, founding member of the 90s R&B super group Tony! Toni! Toné!

Adrian Baker – Dabo Swinney has to be thrilled to have reeled in a player of Baker’s caliber. Nicknamed ‘Primetime’, Baker grades out as one of the rare RH Tig five star prospects. If Baker lives up to his billing, the Clemson staff can expect Primetime to nothing short of amazing between the hours of 8 pm until 11 pm, and potentially even a little later if the President is making a soeech and delays everything by a few minutes or so. In the years to come, I expect a lot out of Primetime…some comedy, some drama, and maybe even some science fiction. Baker reminds me of former NBC great and Must See TV pioneer Warren Littlefield.

Mackensie Alexander – Another signing day miracle, Alexander was one of a handful of targets that the Clemson staff identified as being able to shore up the team’s lack of signers of the Declaration of Independence sounding names. When all is said and done, I think Clemson got probably the top signer of the Declaration of Independence sounding name in the entire country. ESPN, Rivals, Scout, and 24-7 Sports all agree with RH Tig that Alexander was the number one player in the nation in the signer of the Declaration of Independence sounding names category, and Alexander further makes it sweeter for Clemson by virtue of having earned that coveted and rare RH Tig five star designation overall. Alexander reminds me of another young patriot whose name was too good NOT to have on the Declaration of Independence…John Hancock.

Ryan Carter – Carter was a huge signing day coup for the Tigers, as most recruiting analysts had projected that the entire town of Loganville, Georgia was going to eventually sign with Ole Miss. The fact that Clemson was able to sway this young man away from the bright lights of a cultural epicenter such as Oxford, Mississippi is a telling sign for what Coach Swinney has achieved in his short tenure as the head coach. There is little doubt that Swinney is a fantastic salesman as he was able to counter both the Ole Miss football tradition AND the state of Mississippi’s stellar reputation for educational excellence. That said, Carter is another RH Tig five star recruit added to an already embarrassingly rich haul of defensive backs. Carter is fast and shifty, and reminds me of Samuel L. Jackson. As Coach Carter. In the movie Coach Carter. Even though the movie was about basketball, and not football.

Tyrone Crowder – Crowder is a five star RH Tig offensive line prospect and an RH Tig Beard All American first teamer. Crowder waited until very late in the day to announce on ESPNU in an effort to make sure his beard was at its fullest and firmest. The Clemson coaching staff was hoping to cap off this recruiting class with a beard of his caliber, and they were able to make this a reality for the Clemson nation today. In a day and age where other programs are trying to stay afloat by recruiting all the dreadlocks they can, the Clemson coaches are staying one step ahead of the competition by getting the players with beards. And not high school peach fuzz, but fully functioning man-beards. Crowder reminds me of a young Che Guevara.

Seth Ryan – Finally, Dabo Swinney has decided to quit playing footsie and dip his toes in the waters of NFL coaching progeny. Ryan is the son of New York Jets head coach Rex Ryan, and this is the type kid that will give Clemson a real foot up in the race to get talent on campus. Even though he spent much of last season out recovering from a concussion, it was a real footrace between the high profile programs to land this kid. Ryan shows excellent footwork and should be a solid contributor for the Tigers if he puts his foot down and demands 100% from himself. Ryan projects as a RH Tig four star as an athlete/receiver, and is definitely one of the jewels of what will surely be the best preferred walk on class in America. Ryan reminds me of a younger version of Nike shoe mogul Phil Knight.

Zach Riggs – Zach Riggs joins what is widely being called by a consensus of the national sports media outlets “the best preferred walk on class in college football history”. Riggs is a RH Tig four star prospect, and a legacy, the son of former Clemson Tiger and NFL tight end Jim Riggs, and legacies usually get asked to pledge. Riggs considered not playing football in college, but was advised to take the Clemson offer because fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life. Unless the player in question is a real closet case. Luckily for Clemson, Riggs is the real deal, and could catch and move with the football even if there were 10,000 marbles on the field. Riggs reminds me of former Faber great Kent Dorfman.

Sean MacLain – Sean MacLain is the younger brother of current Tiger player Eric MacLain and another RH Tig four star prospect that joins the fab four of preferred walk ons that Clemson has reeled in for 2013. MacLain is known as a hard worker, and he has promised the coaching staff that he'll work eight days a week to bring his game to a peak level. MacLain entertained some offers from other schools, but decided to let it be after getting the offer from the Tigers. After reviewing film of MacLain, the coaching staff realized there was something in the way he moved and decided to formalize the offer. MacLain plays with a nasty streak, and reminds me of Mean Mr. Mustard.

Adrien Dunn – Adrien Dunn is a four star RH Tig prospect that comes to Clemson from talent-rich pipeline at Daniel High School, and an exciting addition to the incredible and historic preferred walk on class of 2013. What Dunn lacks in size at 5'8" and 160 pounds, he more than makes up for in his desire to earn playing time for the Tigers. Dunn’s high school raves about his athleticism and versatility, and goes on to claim that his diminutive stature is the only reason that he wasn’t sitting behind a table full of hats on signing day. Did that lack of height stop Danny DeVito? Did it stop Hervé Villechaize? Did it stop Joe Pesci? Did it stop Tom Cruise? Did it stop Charles Manson? The answer to all of these is a resounding “NO”. Oddly, Dunn reminds me of superlative singer-songwriter Randy Newman.

THE FINAL WRAP:With 27 signees, and a star average of 4.85, RH Tig declares this class to be the best crop of incoming freshman in America. Clemson has once again raised the stakes of the game by securing the finest preferred walk on talent in the nation, something even the SEC powers have failed to match to this point. CONGRATULATIONS TO CLEMSON UNIVERSITY, COACH DABO SWINNEY AND STAFF, AND THE FANS THAT SUPPORT THE TIGERS AND THE RH TIG COLLEGE FOOTBALL RECRUITING SERVICE!