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CU Medallion [66076]
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This thread is about golfs. Could be anything golf related,
Apr 1, 2022, 6:14 PM
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but I hope it brings out some good classic golf jokes, etc. I will start with a real story, and then one of, if not my favorite all time golf joke.
Strangest thing that ever really happened to me on a golf course was:
I ALWAYS ride a cart when I play golf, due to several back surgeries and general laziness. I also like to keep my self well hydrated and fed whilst chasing golf eggs. So, I had my cart stocked with a bag of Ruffles, which I had opened, and a pack of Cheeze Peanut butter nabs which I had NOT opened yet.
We are coming back to the carts after putting out on a par 3 hole, and there is a flipping CROW in my golf cart pecking away at my tater chips! To add major insult to injury, when I loudly came up shooing him away, he grabbed my unopened nabs in his beak and THEN left the cart.
The rest of the group was dying laughing, because I chased that crow down the entire next hole with my cart, and he would always land just out of reach, until he finally got wise and flew up in a tree, STILL holding on to my nabs. It was enough to drive me crackers.
Golf Joke:
Two casual golfing buddies were trying to play a round at the local club, and were constantly getting held up by groups ahead. They finally went up to tell the group ahead of them to hurry up, but that group said the REAL problem was a twosome of women ahead of them. So, one of the two buddies decides he has had enough of this, so he jumps in the cart to go tell these ladies off. He gets about halfway up to them, and suddenly turns the cart around, and comes back with a stricken look on his face. He says "Man, I can't go up there, that's my wife AND my girlfriend, playing together!" So, the other guy decides to go tell them to move along. HE gets about halfway there, and suddenly turns the cart around and comes back as well, and says......."Small world, ain't it?"
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All-In [31437]
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Re: This thread is about golfs. Could be anything golf related,
Apr 1, 2022, 6:21 PM
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There is a crow or crows at a golf course I played in Fort Mill. You make the turn and if you did not put your sandwich or pack of crackers in a safe spot that joker would come down and get it. Nothing you can do but sit and watch him sitting in the tree with your food.
Was at Tidewater at Cherry Grove one summer and heard something going on at the cart. A coon was on his hind legs sniffing around our bags. Been playing over 30 years and never had a coon at my cart.
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CU Medallion [66076]
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Yeah, crows are a nuisance, but with animules like coons,
Apr 1, 2022, 7:05 PM
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you always have the possibility of them being rabid.
We were playing Santee Cooper Resort one time a couple years ago, and off the side of the last par3, there wobbled what I guarantee was a rabid fox. This thing was literally foaming at the mouth and about to fall over. If I had had a pistol, I would have put him out of his misery right then and there, golf course or no. Butt, since none of us had a firearm, we gave him a wide berth instead. I have heard that rabies shots are no fun at all.
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Trainer [28]
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Re: This thread is about golfs. Could be anything golf related,
Apr 1, 2022, 7:26 PM
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A foursome was playing a round on a course that laid out around a lake. They climbed up one elevated tee box that had a spectacular view of the lake. One guy turns to the other three and states, "Look at all of those idiots fishing in all of this rain."
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CU Medallion [66076]
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LOL! I was just about that wild about the game once upon a
Apr 1, 2022, 7:42 PM
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whole lotta years ago. I couldn't even imagine going out by myself and playing a round now, but I did it on more than one occasion back then, I had the itch so bad.
Didn't hurt that I was a high single digit handicapper back then. Nowadays, I worry more about approaching TRIPLE digits on the scorecard.
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Orange Blooded [3514]
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Re: This thread is about golfs. Could be anything golf related,
Apr 1, 2022, 7:51 PM
[ in reply to Re: This thread is about golfs. Could be anything golf related, ] |
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Playing in a foursome at Star Fort ( my home club ) -- we were about to tee off on hole #10 ( highway runs the length of the hole ) - anyways we see a funeral procession going by,so we wait to tee off -- one of the guys in our group took off his hat and put it over his heart -- after all the cars had passed, I told him that was a very kind gesture, to which he replied *** was the least I could do for her,she was a good wife to me,the last 42 years****
GO TIGERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Trainer [28]
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Re: This thread is about golfs. Could be anything golf related,
Apr 1, 2022, 7:45 PM
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An old guy goes to the course late one afternoon hoping to play 9 holes in solitude since no one seemed to be on the course. But as luck would have it a beautiful young lass approached him on the first tee.
She told him that she had not being plying for long but would really like to play along with an experienced player especially since the course was almost empty. Since the lass was fair to look upon he agreed to have her play along with him.
As it turned out, although she was a beginner she did play at a good pace and she was enjoyable company.
They eventually reached the last hole. As luck would have it, the young lady reached the par five green in three shots, with the ball landing within three feet of the hole.
As she grabbed her putter and approached the ball she said, "If I make this it will be the first birdie I have ever made. If I make it I would be so happy I would probably tear off all of my clothes and let you have your way with me."
Old man tells her, "That's a gimme, pick it up!"
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CU Medallion [66076]
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What's the quote? "Old age and Treachery will overcome
Apr 1, 2022, 7:50 PM
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Youth and Enthusiasm every time!"
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CU Medallion [66076]
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"The pretty woman had been somewhat distressed for awhile
Apr 1, 2022, 7:58 PM
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about something, and her fiancee was worried about her. They played a lot of golf together, and whatever it was, was even starting to affect her game. Finally, she decided to open up about what was bothering her. "Honey, she said, I have a confession to make. Years ago, before I met you, I had a sex change operation. I was born a biological man, but I knew I was a woman trapped in a man's body, so I solved that problem by having the surgery."
Her fiancee thought a minute, and then exploded, saying "You sorry, deceitful LIAR! You've been playing off the WOMEN'S tees all these years!"
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CU Medallion [66076]
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The avid golfer was coming home after his round, and his
Apr 1, 2022, 8:07 PM
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wife said, "Where have you been, you been gone over six HOURS!" "Honey, it was awful", said the man. You remember Fred, who plays with my group? Well, Fred had a heart attack on the third hole today, and after that, it was just HIT THE BALL, DRAG FRED, HIT THE BALL, DRAG FRED......."
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All-In [44121]
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“Golf is a nice walk ruined.”
Apr 1, 2022, 8:08 PM
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Kidding aside, I like golf. But this line has always made me chuckle.
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CU Medallion [66076]
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In the 1970 US Open, golfer Dave Hill was fined for his
Apr 1, 2022, 8:21 PM
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comments about the venue, Hazeltine. When he was asked what the golf course needed, he said "80 acres of corn and a few cows, and it could be a good farm."
Pro golfers weren't always kind to each other back then, either. One golfer was being interviewed when they heard some noise behind them, like golf balls hitting trees. The pro golfer quipped "Oh, that's just Hubert (Green, who was struggling mightily with his game at the time) working on his game."
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CU Medallion [53416]
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St Peter challenged God to a match
Apr 1, 2022, 8:24 PM
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On the 1st tee St Peter hits his drive 300yds down the middle. God gets up and sky hooks his off into the deep bush. St Peter was having a good laugh when he sees a squirrel coming out the woods with God's ball in his mouth. Bout that time an eagle swoops down and snags the squirrel and flies off. The skies turn dark and a lightning bolt hits the eagle that then drops the squirrel that falls on the green and God's ball comes out and trickles into the cup. St Peter shakes his head and says "you gonna play golf or fool around all day?"
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