All-In [42197]
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Joined: 11/30/98
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The Truths Redux
Feb 12, 2004, 12:00 AM
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Or How I Learned Stopped Worrying and Love the Woo Hoo?
For those who may remember, a couple of years ago I posted The Truths? 82 infallible statements that all Clemson fans should recognize. They are edicts of what things have been, what they are now, and what they will come to be. Of course, since it has been two years later, and a few Tiger fans (and many Gamecock fans) have forgotten some of these Truths, it is time to take a closer look at the list.
I bring you?
THE TRUTHS REDUX
To all Clemson fans, Tigernetters, fair weather fans, badgers, coaching head hunters, recruiting ?insiders,? conservatives, liberals, fascists, communists, Libertarian Bombthrowers, Practice Guy, Dawgs, anarchists, newbs, ### hats and, of course, Gamecocks?
Great injustices have occurred on this beloved TigerBoard over the past few months. The Truths have been misinterpreted, unjustly altered, falsified, or, in some cases, simply forgotten. I am here to tell you ?No More!? The Truths shall be chiseled into the foundations of HTML that this beloved TigerBoard was created on and neither Tiger nor Gamecock shall forget them ever again or they shall face the mighty wrath of RFBrown94 after losing (as usual) in Big Buck Hunter.
These, my Tigers and Gamecocks, are the Truths (in no particular order of importance). Opinions are free, open and available to everyone, but the Truths cannot be altered?
1. Clemson University is above all the best university in the state of South Carolina.
2. Tommy Bowden is an excellent coach who is leading Clemson in the right direction of football success.
3. Some of us, including the Great Catahoula, questioned Tommy Bowden?s ability and decided he was not fit for the job.
4. Tommy Bowden proved us wrong.
5. Charlie Whitehurst is an extraordinary athlete and commands the respect and support of all Tiger fans through thick and thin.
6. The future of Justin Miller is rightfully decided by Justin Miller.
7. Booing occurs at every football game that Clemson loses even if some fans claim they did not hear it.
8. All Clemson fans have the right to boo players and coaches during a Clemson sporting event.
9. A true Clemson fan who loves his/her school and wants to see it excel in athletics does not boo the players or the coaches during a Clemson sporting event.
10. Woo Hoo is one of the greatest tragedies to ever occur at Clemson University.
11. Woo Hoo exists and cannot be destroyed, therefore attempts to do so are futile.
12. Woo Hoo does not affect the performance of Clemson athletics.
13. ?No pass outs? are the devil.
14. Renovating athletic facilities is important to the success of Clemson University athletics.
15. We, as Clemson alumni, students and fans, have not been given facility upgrades in the manner or timeliness that we were promised.
16. Throwing money at the upgrades will not be the final solution; responsible spending and less red tape by the Clemson administration will have to play a part.
17. Punishing the students by raising their fees in order to fund the West End Zone project is not a wise idea.
18. There is no Williams Brice Stadium. There is only the Dead Cockroach.
19. There is absolutely no need for a restaurant in Death Valley.
20. Giving to IPTAY is not only a good idea, it should be undertaken by every Clemson fan.
21. The man who gives the most to IPTAY is no more and no less of a fan than the man who gives the bare minimum or who cannot afford to give at all.
22. Clemson University facilities, monuments and buildings should be named after those who served the University the best selflessly and honestly, not those who gave the most money to have their name emblazoned on it.
23. There is no Doug Kingsmore Stadium.
24. There is only Tiger Field.
25. We are not doomed.
26. Children should be taught to love Clemson from a very early age, usually in between crawling and walking stages.
27. There is no media conspiracy against Tommy Bowden.
28. There is a very, very miniscule media bias against Clemson in the state of South Carolina.
29. There is a very, very miniscule media bias in favor of Clemson in the state of South Carolina.
30. If something happens and the media reports it, they did their job.
31. The media continuously talked about Bowden?s job security because fans continuously questioned it.
32. I was planted in Clemson in 1997 by the media to pose as a Clemson student and fan so that I could destroy the university from the inside.
33. If Truth #32 is false, then I must have been left out of the grand liberal media conspiracy against Clemson? or there just isn?t one?
34. Danny Ford is the greatest coach to ever coach at Clemson.
35. Tommy Bowden has only been here five years and has ample time to try and beat that.
36. Danny Ford did not commit recruiting violations.
37. Charley Pell committed recruiting violations concerning Clemson?s probation. Danny Ford inherited it.
38. Clemson boosters committed violations in the late 80?s, not Danny Ford. Ford was made the scapegoat through politics within the University.
39. Danny Ford should be in the Ring of Honor.
40. Danny Ford does not want to and will not be an assistant coach for Clemson.
41. Danny?s time at Clemson has come and passed. It shall be honored for what it was.
42. Cursing the name and history of Danny Ford displays clear lack of knowledge, understanding and love for what is Clemson football.
43. The only thing really unlikable about Tommy West was the fact that he would always say, ?We just got whupped,? to reporters after Clemson was blown out.
44. Greedy political motives among University officials are hurting Clemson more than anything else right now.
45. Gargamel STILL neither loves Clemson University nor wishes to advance it. He wishes only to advance himself.
46. Gargamel is STILL a danger to Clemson?s future.
47. The highest sin was committed when the Rally Cats were allowed to start wearing looser-fitting pants.
48. Some things, such as The Hill, should never be renamed.
49. The SEC is overall better than the ACC in football.
50. Effective August of 2004, that changes.
51. Clemson athletics have always been better than USC athletics.
52. Clemson football has always been better than USC football.
53. Clemson leads the series 61-36-4, meaning that USC would have to beat Clemson 25 consecutive times to hold even a slightly valid argument that their football program is better.
54. The only decade USC has dominated Clemson in was the 1940?s? when most Clemson students were fighting in WWII being that it was a military college.
55. There is such a thing as a national championship in college football.
56. Clemson owns one.
57. USC does not.
58. Trooper Del has coitus with cape buffalo.
59. Rusty watches.
60. Rooster hats make you look like a carnie.
61. Clemson has hotter women than USC. Ask Playboy.
62. Clemson is 14-13 in bowl games, USC is 3-8.
63. 17.
64. Lou Holtz is not God nor any other type of deity.
65. Lou Holtz is an ordinary human being who makes mistakes like everyone else.
66. If one reads ?Under the Tarnished Dome,? it can be determined that Lou Holtz makes more mistakes than most human beings.
67. Lou Holtz spits when he talks.
68. Lou Holtz and his staff have committed major recruiting violations.
69. The NCAA is investigating them and will eventually punish them.
70. Lou Holtz has helped to waste valuable S.C. tax dollars and law enforcement resources with his anti-litter movement.
71. Those who do not believe so should ask a police officer.
72. Lou Holtz will leave USC in worse shape than Brad Scott did.
73. Jimmy Holderman does not find Britney Spears attractive.
74. Corey Jenkins committed assault on a UVA frat boy.
75. And it was funny as hell.
76. In a perfect and just world, O.J. Simpson would be in jail.
77. So would Derek Watson.
78. And Daccus Turman.
79. A perfect and just world did exist for Jimmy Holderman.
80. Rod Gardner did not push off.
81. Even if he had, 16-14.
82. 27-20.
83. Chad Jasmin scored again.
84. ?Gaffneygate? was blown out of proportion by Gamecock fans and editors of one South Carolina newspaper.
85. Real men do not drink Zima while tailgating before a Clemson or USC football game.
86. Really, really real men brew their own beer and bring it to a Tigernet tailgating social.
87. Appropriate tailgating music is either beach music, oldies, classic rock, old time country and Clemson tunes; rap, pop, Rush, 80s, etc are not acceptable.
88. FGF copies almost every aspect of Tigernet.
89. Except being able to maintain financial independence.
90. Oh, and in tolerance.
91. Message board fascism is not as effective as message board capitalism.
92. One can be banned for posting something on FGF that is not an attack on USC so long as he/she is not a Gamecock fan.
93. Serious message board squabbles lead to alternative message boards named after ESPN channels.
94. Running down the Hill is the most exciting moment in college football pregame activities.
95. Playing 2001 and blowing smoke were exciting back when Elvis and the University of Miami did it.
96. Recruiting battles are won on paper.
97. The battles that matter are won on the football field.
98. Just because a young man decides not to come to Clemson doesn?t mean he was swayed through illegal measures or he hates Clemson. Sometimes he just wants to play somewhere else.
99. If one Gamecock fan should question Clemson?s overall stature or athletic program, he/she should refer to Truth #1 and accept it as is.
100. Crump is all-wise.
And the final and foremost Truth, if any of the above Truths should be found false, then the infallible Truths would be fallible, all of the world and life as we know it would cease to exist, and everyone must state in unison before the massive destruction:
101. It?s all Catahoula?s fault.
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