Re: Fathers of Sons.

Orange Blooded [3469]

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Why football?

Aug 14, 2016, 11:59 PM

Been there done that, and very few are football players. Being much older most of my early sports experience was in someone's yard. I was in 5th grade before I was anywhere with youth sports. I am slightly above average in ability, which interprets to barely made the team, and wanted very much for my sons to be successful in sports. They both had slightly less than my ability, but because of effort were acceptable at the high school level.

The most important thing is they learned the value of hard work. Probably the most important thing you can do is emphasize academics not sports. Kids at all ages are very perceptive to their parents and quickly realize that what is "important" and "love" are both spelled "TIME." What you spend your time on, and with are what will most impact them. It is very improbable that your sons will be great athletes, but they are very probably of average or greater intelligence. If you spend time with them involving school (in your 2 year old's case holding him and reading to him not watching TV with him) they will know that learning is important. My ex-wife and I spent time going to school activities, and making school a priority for them. Both ended up as National Merit Scholars, and getting academic scholarships. The younger one is now a doctor, the older one a lawyer, so when the younger one kills me the older one can sue him.

The stepdad issue is also delicate. I became a stepdad when one was 22 just divorced and had custody of his 3 year old daughter. The other stepson was 20 and had just gotten his GED. The key is to remember that "important" and "love" are both spelled TIME. Yes, you will have to let his biological father have his role, and don't try to adopt that role, and discipline for the time spent with you and your wife is a tight rope. You won't always get it right, but TIME is what counts. On Father's Day the first call I always get is from my younger stepson.

Good luck, and the payback is well worth the TIME.

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His mother and I both are working hard to raise our son the right way. Sports are secondary. We want our son to play ball and he has played rec. baseball,basketball and we have played golf. I also want him to enjoy the outdoors; fishing and hunting but most of all respect nature. I'm not pushing him on any of this right now because these are things I WANT. We do "practice", but it is as long as he is showing interest. His interest and understanding of the games have grown and I've seen a lot of improvement in the last year. I try to teach and encourage more than anything. I'm up front with him when he ask me questions on how he is doing (ex. "Daddy, am I the best on the team?" "You are one of the best but John Doe is better right now. We just need to practice and continue to get better"). I've watched other parents and I hope I'm not going to be that type of dad that will embarrass our son on the ball field. I played for my dad when I was twelve and it was the worst year I ever had (baseball). He would talk down and blame me for a loss in front of the team if I didn't get a hit, miss a ball or not strike someone out.

Know your boundaries. He is not your son and his dad may be or can become "territorial". There will be and needs to be interaction between you and your step son. Ask the step dad for his "advice" and if he doesn't mind you helping some. Play with both your son and your step son at the same time in the front yard. If the step doesn't want to, then that's fine.

Fathers of Sons.

Very well said.***