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All-TigerNet [11963]
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One of my coworkers is having marital problems...
May 30, 2013, 10:52 AM
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His wife has developed a close relationship with a guy at work over the last few months.
he just sent me this:
Is it possible that this guy and Lauren could have a non-sexual father figure relationship?
He mowed my lawn last night and bagged the clippings?
What does that mean? I’m too bewildered and confused as to what to think?
I feel bad for this guy. He really doesn't know if his wife is cheating or not. I kind of think she may be, but I don't want to say that because I don't know the lady. What do y'all think?
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All-In [48387]
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He needs to hire a private eye and see what is up
May 30, 2013, 10:54 AM
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Or call Cheaters and make a show out of it.
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All-TigerNet [11257]
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If he's bagging her clippings
May 30, 2013, 10:55 AM
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it's got to be serious!
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Rock Defender [54]
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It is a metaphor for other things he is bagging.***
May 30, 2013, 10:56 AM
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CU Medallion [68484]
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Re: It is a metaphor for other things he is bagging.
May 30, 2013, 10:58 AM
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yeah I think so
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Oculus Spirit [75952]
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If she isn't the guy from work is trying to.
May 30, 2013, 10:55 AM
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Your Co-worker needs to be taken to task as to why he allowed something like another man mowing the lawn to happen.
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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The other dude is also married with 5 kids. He's a marine
May 30, 2013, 11:00 AM
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and he's up here on a temporary assignment of some sort. So my coworker is just waiting for him to leave in 5 weeks. I guess he hopes the problem will go away then.
My coworker and his wife have 2 kids, btw. that's why he's sticking it out.
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Heisman Winner [136124]
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So, do think it's even remotely possible that the wife would
May 30, 2013, 11:07 AM
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think to thank this soldier for his servicing?
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Oculus Spirit [75952]
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I'm going to go ahead and assume the worst of this
May 30, 2013, 11:07 AM
[ in reply to The other dude is also married with 5 kids. He's a marine ] |
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entire situation. I've only once felt at all caught in the middle of a divorce. Work with the wife and played kickball with the husband. He tried to talk to me about it one night. I told him since I was friends with both I just wasn't going to listen. I've maybe talked to him two times since then.
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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I don't know her...but she sounds like a B****
May 30, 2013, 11:19 AM
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she knows she's doing wrong and clearly doesn't care. I think she's trying to make him feel guilty about their problems when she really doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore. i told my coworker that much.
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110%er [7082]
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All-In [29050]
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All-In [28802]
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that's why he ought to say something to her
May 30, 2013, 2:09 PM
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because people don't just cheat for no reason, and if you don't resolve whatever the real problem was, they're going to continue that cycle of behavior.
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Rock Defender [54]
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Do not get involved. Bad things will happen if you do not
May 30, 2013, 10:55 AM
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get involved, but if you do say something, bad things will most likely also happen to you.
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Orange Blooded [2876]
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^^^ This***
May 30, 2013, 10:56 AM
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Heisman Winner [136124]
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Maybe not physically, but there certainly appears
May 30, 2013, 10:56 AM
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to be some emotional cheating.
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Heisman Winner [136124]
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Oculus Spirit [79012]
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coming to her emotional rescue***
May 30, 2013, 11:32 AM
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Heisman Winner [138564]
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Tough decision here.
May 30, 2013, 10:57 AM
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Allow wife to get railed for free lawncare? I'm leaning towards "pretty sweet deal". I'd probably try to negotiate edging, pruning, and fertilizing/aerating.
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CU Medallion [54759]
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NO FERTILIZING!!!
May 30, 2013, 10:58 AM
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oh...u mean the grass.
yeah, ok.
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Her lower back hair is really coming along this season
May 30, 2013, 10:58 AM
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#mapofhawaii
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Is there some sort of pay scale you can provide?
May 30, 2013, 10:58 AM
[ in reply to Tough decision here. ] |
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Like, I don't mind edging, or throwing down some fertilizer (ifyouknowhatimsaying), but i don't want to mow
What will that get me?
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Heisman Winner [138564]
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Wal-Mart parking lot handy, dry.***
May 30, 2013, 11:00 AM
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Time of day?***
May 30, 2013, 11:00 AM
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Heisman Winner [138564]
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Tooth hurty.***
May 30, 2013, 11:02 AM
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Deal.***
May 30, 2013, 11:04 AM
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All-In [31988]
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If he's not trimming her bushes it's not worth it....
May 30, 2013, 11:10 AM
[ in reply to Tough decision here. ] |
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huh?
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All-In [38514]
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Maybe if he mowed his own lawn...
May 30, 2013, 11:00 AM
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he wouldn't be in this position.
The biggest problem in relationships is taking the relationship for granted.
Of course if my wife found a co-worker who was willing to mow our lawn you'd not hear me complain.
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Heisman Winner [106165]
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This
May 30, 2013, 11:02 AM
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#hatecuttinggrass
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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You freaky piece of ####, you don't mow another guy's lawn
May 30, 2013, 11:02 AM
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Heisman Winner [106165]
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Is grass cutting the only evidence he has?***
May 30, 2013, 11:02 AM
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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More backstory
May 30, 2013, 11:15 AM
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My coworker (JB), started getting hell from his wife in January (more so than usual). One weekend he decided to have some beers and he got a little trashed. Apparently, when he drinks, he drinks a lot. So he doesn't do it very often (every 3-6 months?). After that, his wife nagged him and made him start going to AA. I don't think this guy is an alcoholic, but I can't say for sure.
The nagging continued (based on JB's daily reports to me that his wife had bitched at him about something trivial) since then.
At one point a few months ago, JB discovered that his wife had this 'friend' at work.
The wife has been spending lots of time with the marine at work and outside of work. Including 'watching movies' with him.
JB has confronted his wife about marine on a few occasions.
Last Friday, JB found an email from marine to his wife. I don't know the context, but it was signed, "love you gorgeious"
JB confronted his wife again. the wife admitted that she had feelings for the marine and the marine had feelings for her. JB called her some names and took off for his parents for the weekend.
JB and his wife have been together for ~16 years and have 2 kids together.
The guy (the marine) is here temporarily. he will be leaving in July.
The wife's father passed away last year and she took it really hard.
Message was edited by: 3timeTiger®
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Heisman Winner [106165]
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Cheating. Get hard evidence and file for divorce.
May 30, 2013, 11:17 AM
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Game Over, sorry for the guy. If my wife wanted to go watch movies with a guy friend I didn't know and was secretive about it, I would flip ####.
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110%er [7082]
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Really doesn't matter.
May 30, 2013, 2:09 PM
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Well she might not get alomony if he can prove it. The only thing other than that it affects is time of separation.
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All-In [48387]
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She's taking something hard.
May 30, 2013, 11:18 AM
[ in reply to More backstory ] |
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She is cheating, no doubt. He needs to decide if he wants to try to fix it, or call the lawyer.
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All-In [48387]
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Addendum
May 30, 2013, 11:20 AM
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If he calls the lawyer, get proof first. Then kick her out of the house. He should not move out, huge mistake a lot of people make.
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All-In [26968]
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To me, that's cheating...
May 30, 2013, 11:46 AM
[ in reply to More backstory ] |
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Whether they have a sexual relationship or not. (They almost surely do.) Marriage isn't just a sexual arrangement. It's a spiritual bond, and then an emotional one. She has already broken it.
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Hall of Famer [22718]
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Re: Sounds like Mrs TOTE1
May 30, 2013, 11:47 AM
[ in reply to More backstory ] |
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she feel in love with a marine and she had been married for 14 yrs with two kids
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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You navy saw it coming.***
May 30, 2013, 11:54 AM
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Hall of Famer [22718]
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Re: I Air Forced her into it accroding to her***
May 30, 2013, 12:10 PM
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110%er [5813]
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Costing you an Army and a leg for the divorce?***
May 30, 2013, 12:54 PM
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Hall of Famer [22718]
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Re: $2k and no child support
May 30, 2013, 1:55 PM
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Im doing really well actually. Cost less to get out than it did to get in.
Winning
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Oculus Spirit [98137]
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Sad thing is when they divorce, and they will,
May 30, 2013, 11:55 AM
[ in reply to More backstory ] |
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the wife will get the kids. Of course JB may be a raging alcoholic who beats his wife, and in that case it would be fine. But pretending he's a saint and his wife is a hoe, it will still suck for him.
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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Her being a dumb #### isn't temporary.
May 30, 2013, 12:10 PM
[ in reply to More backstory ] |
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The marine leaving isn't going to change that
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CU Guru [1404]
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110%er [7082]
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She's banging the dude. It's really that simple.***
May 30, 2013, 1:44 PM
[ in reply to More backstory ] |
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Hall of Famer [22718]
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Re: She's cheating on him***
May 30, 2013, 11:02 AM
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CU Medallion [53613]
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tell your "friend".....
May 30, 2013, 11:03 AM
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dumperass
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110%er [8243]
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Why wasn't he mowing his own lawn?***
May 30, 2013, 11:06 AM
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110%er [7082]
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No question about it. She's cheating in one way or another.***
May 30, 2013, 11:08 AM
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All-In [29050]
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I'd stay out of it
May 30, 2013, 11:09 AM
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But when pushed for my opinion I'd probably ask why he didn't just step out onto his lawn and ask why the dude was cutting his grass.
And if pushed further, "Man up, go and ask your wife directly"
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Heisman Winner [136124]
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And if we keep on pushing...
May 30, 2013, 11:12 AM
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do you think we can finally get you to stab the wife in the face multiple times with a soldering iron?
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Heisman Winner [138564]
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Whoa, whoa, whoa.
May 30, 2013, 11:19 AM
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You're, talking to my guy, all wrong. Do it again, and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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he was on a day trip to DC for work yesterday (with me and
May 30, 2013, 11:16 AM
[ in reply to I'd stay out of it ] |
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others). So wife and marine dude obviously knew he was not going to be there for a while...and planned accordingly. 
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CU Medallion [56365]
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Case closed.***
May 30, 2013, 11:17 AM
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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All-In [29050]
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Just my opinion
May 30, 2013, 11:29 AM
[ in reply to he was on a day trip to DC for work yesterday (with me and ] |
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If the dude doesn't want to address the issue directly with the wife, then he may already think he knows the answer or their relationship is already damaged badly.
I've made similar suggestions to friends when they suspect issues. Go ask her directly. Grow a pair and either grab your marriage back or be the catalyst for getting to the truth.
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CU Medallion [56365]
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Unless he has any tangible proof of anything
May 30, 2013, 11:10 AM
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he's kinda fooked. What's he gonna do, tell her she can't talk to the guy anymore? She's gonna do what she wants to do, so it's just a question of whether or not he wants to push her further away.
If it were me I'd have her tell him to stay the #### off my property or else grass clippings won't be the only thing found in several black Hefty bags.
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Hall of Famer [24440]
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why haven't CS02 or TXTF posted that the other wants pics
May 30, 2013, 11:11 AM
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of the marine mowing the lawn??
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Hall of Famer [24440]
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there's no way to answer this question without knowing
May 30, 2013, 11:13 AM
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which of them has the hotter wife. if the marine has the hotter wife, then hire a PI, get evidence of the cheating, then go visit the hotter wife and suggest that turnabout is fair play. just trying to think inside the box here.
Message was edited by: tigerinkvillenc®
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Oculus Spirit [82043]
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LEAVE IT TO THE LUNGE TO PROVIDE SOLID RESPONSES TO SOME
May 30, 2013, 11:22 AM
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STRANGERS PROBLEM.
WELL DONE LUNGE.
I'M IN AUTOCAD, SO I'M IN CAPSLOCK, SO TOUGH ####.
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All-TigerNet [12763]
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Re:IT'S OK, YOU'RE A PE NOW!!***
May 30, 2013, 11:23 AM
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Heisman Winner [136124]
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Easy, Sport.
May 30, 2013, 11:25 AM
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There's no need for name-calling, even if someone IS a penow.
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110%er [6272]
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THIS is why i <3 the Jounge.
May 30, 2013, 7:32 PM
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Greatest thread in a while. ....
Sound advice
Jocularity
Sarcasm
Chock full.
Good job guys
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Oculus Spirit [82043]
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Joined: 3/18/07
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All-In [45047]
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Hoars gonna ####!
May 30, 2013, 11:29 AM
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Ask him if he still gets any. That could be another sign of what she is doing.
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All-TigerNet [11257]
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SOLUTION!
May 30, 2013, 11:30 AM
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Burn his house down. Ask him to move in with you. Then you can really keep and eye on them.
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Oculus Spirit [79012]
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mowed my lawn last night and bagged the clippings
May 30, 2013, 11:31 AM
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code for bush trim and banging afterwards
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All-In [26968]
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I would advise him to confront his wife and make it clear
May 30, 2013, 11:39 AM
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That she should cease this relationship. I don't believe a wife should have a "close relationship" with any man besides her husband or family, and a husband shouldn't be close to any female besides his wife or family.
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All-In [29050]
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My dad always told me
May 30, 2013, 11:47 AM
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Once married don't have any close female friends closer to you than they are to your wife, or closer than you are to their husbands.
It has served me well through the years.
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All-In [26968]
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Outstanding advice...since I've been married
May 30, 2013, 11:52 AM
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I can say that I have had zero social interaction with females, unless either my wife is present, or it is a group function with mixed company.
(I don't mean just saying Hi on the street...I mean spending actual time with the other person/people.)
You can't cheat if you never give yourself the opportunity to.
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110%er [6169]
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I guess that's good advice for some. I disagree, however.
May 30, 2013, 6:12 PM
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I mean I agree with your point itself, but I disagree with the philosophy.
My counter-argument: If removing females from my life is the best and/or only way to not be tempted, then I shouldn't be married in the first place.
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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This is where I'm in an interesting spot. JB clearly
May 30, 2013, 11:53 AM
[ in reply to My dad always told me ] |
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considers me as 'one of the guys', but I don't think his wife would.
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All-In [26968]
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Yes. I believe it is also a problem that he is talking
May 30, 2013, 11:54 AM
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To you about this, and not his wife. Big problem.
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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Don't think the wife has anything to worry about with 3time.***
May 30, 2013, 12:14 PM
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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You know that and I know that, but it wouldn't be the first
May 30, 2013, 12:16 PM
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time someone's wife accused me of having an affair with their husband. I didn't even live in the same country as that guy...
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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How old are the kids?***
May 30, 2013, 12:17 PM
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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6 and 3***
May 30, 2013, 12:19 PM
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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Jesus, this lady really is a POS.
May 30, 2013, 12:21 PM
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Dude needs as much evidence against her as possible. Hiring a PI would be a good start.
Wouldn't be surprised if she got him to go to AA meetings so she could accuse him of being an alchy during the divorce.
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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ugh. I didn't think about that.
May 30, 2013, 12:24 PM
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I only know this guy through work and I've only heard his side of the story. That's why I've been reluctant to say anything. He COULD in fact be an alky, and be really good at covering it up, but i don't think so. I don't really have anything vested in being right about it. I just think he's a nice guy. Also, I've been out with him on work related trips and he didn't drink at all (when he totally could have). Plus, he been totally distracted of late and I'm pretty sure it's from worrying about this dude and his wife.
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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Not being an alchy myself, I would assume he would be on
May 30, 2013, 12:32 PM
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a bender right now if he had a drinking problem. I would think the stress from this would make his problem worse. Also, I assume he doesn't have a good hiding spot for her corpse and divorce is going to end up being his best option. Hopefully his kids won't eb too ###### up from this in the long and he will have a decent relationship with them. Inevitably, they will get divorced, she will get custody and proceed to bad mouth him for the rest of their childhood.
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All-TigerNet [11963]
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We stopped for dinner last night and he had 2 beers
May 30, 2013, 12:35 PM
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He basically said that he was happy to be able to drink a couple of beers with dinner like other people and not have his wife nagging him.
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All-In [48387]
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So, not only is she a slut, she is also a b!tch.***
May 30, 2013, 12:37 PM
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Orange Blooded [4275]
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Re: Jesus, this lady really is a POS.
May 30, 2013, 12:56 PM
[ in reply to Jesus, this lady really is a POS. ] |
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The AA thing was my first thought. That could have definitely been a calculated setup on her part.
But again, he may have a drinking problem.
Like many posters have stated already, this guy needs to get evidence...without it he doesn't have anything to lean on legally.
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Commissioner [960]
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Maybe she just wanted some scheduled
May 30, 2013, 12:59 PM
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porkin time.
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Orange Blooded [4275]
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She put some thought into it.
May 30, 2013, 1:09 PM
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.
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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CU Medallion [56365]
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That's not bad advice, however
May 30, 2013, 11:58 AM
[ in reply to My dad always told me ] |
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how does that actually pan out in reality? If your wife has had some close guy friend for years she's supposed to basically cut him off? I think it's pretty clear when someone is safely in the friend zone.
As a rule for new friends of the opposite sex, I'd say that's the right way to do it. My ex-gf disagreed, which is one reason she's my ex-gf.
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All-In [29050]
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It actually works well
May 30, 2013, 12:02 PM
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It requires diligence and the willingness for each other to get to know the friends of our spouses.
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All-In [26968]
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I did exactly that with a couple of female friends
May 30, 2013, 1:23 PM
[ in reply to That's not bad advice, however ] |
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when I started dating my wife.
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All-In [28802]
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both of your advice is basically good advice
May 30, 2013, 2:15 PM
[ in reply to That's not bad advice, however ] |
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but I think prodigal's advice is probably the safer advice, if only for the reason that you can't be emotionally involved with people you shouldn't be if you're not around them anyway.
Like you say, though, it's hard to tell somebody they can't be friends with people they've been friends with for a long time. Then again, most women aren't just doing things one on one with friends of the opposite sex, and there are other ways (as you say) of telling when somebody is in danger of leaving the friend zone.
Probably the most annoying situation is when you know the guy who your SO is friends with wants her, but you also know your SO isn't into them and they still want to hang out with the person. I've tried to convince girls that they shouldn't keep encouraging them, but every time I've been told that it isn't their fault if somebody else likes them, and that the fact that they wouldn't do anything makes it all ok.
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110%er [6101]
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Re: Sound advice from a guy who's been there..
May 30, 2013, 12:02 PM
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If this seems like out of the ordinary behavior for the wife, IT IS. Label it that way. It is a red flag.
Trust your instincts. If your little voice is telling you something, listen. During the episode(s) I went through my intuition was 100% right.
Watch for changes in her behavior. Is she polishing her appearance? Looking more attractive?, etc. Purchases of lingerie, clothes, nights out with "friends" are a dead give away.
Confirm your suspicions. A PI tracking her movements for a week cost me around $1000 (8 yrs ago). Catch her, then decide what to do.
Question your own motives. Does the guy just want to feel the power of exposing the wife? What then? Divorce?Also consider that her "partner" is a colleague which means, even with the best possible outcome, he will remain in close proximity to the wife for 8 hrs everyday at work. The temptation may not go away.
Check state laws. I know SC frowns on adultery, not sure about other states. Ultimately, the wife is making the decisions/mistakes that impact the relationship. Your friend needs to take the steps to either preserve or end it.
Good luck to him. He needs to play this very cool and quietly. My PI told me that 85% of the affairs he's investigated involved the wife. Friggin weak-minded broads.
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All-TigerNet [13190]
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To be fair
May 30, 2013, 1:08 PM
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I mowed one of my wife's friends yards the other day because I'm a nice guy.
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Orange Blooded [4275]
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Re: To be fair
May 30, 2013, 1:11 PM
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Question, you wouldn't happen to be a Marine would you?
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All-TigerNet [12066]
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Did you go in for lemonade afterward?
May 30, 2013, 1:14 PM
[ in reply to To be fair ] |
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Hey, what were they like anyway? They looked pretty good, are they real? Are they built for speed or comfort? What'd you do with them? Motorboat? You play the motorboat?
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All-TigerNet [13190]
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No, my wife is hotter than this chick
May 30, 2013, 1:27 PM
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I received extra husband points for being a nice guy, which I cashed in later.
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Oculus Spirit [82043]
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You only get one point per action, no matter how small or
May 30, 2013, 1:44 PM
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how big the act was...that was news to me after the Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage conference Mrs.Krzy and I did. Women would much rather have 12 single roses given to them once a week than getting a dozen roses every 12 weeks.
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All-TigerNet [13190]
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We must work on a different point system
May 30, 2013, 1:50 PM
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Unsolicited mowing of friends yard scored huge points.
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Heisman Winner [106165]
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I'm just trying to get points for mowing my own yard.***
May 30, 2013, 2:29 PM
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All-TigerNet [13190]
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Your supposed to mow your own yard
May 30, 2013, 2:45 PM
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That doesn't score many points, just keeps your wife from bitching. You need to go above and beyond the call of duty to rack up the points.
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All-TigerNet [13190]
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You're not Your***
May 30, 2013, 2:46 PM
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All-In [48387]
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You don't understand marriage at all.
May 30, 2013, 3:03 PM
[ in reply to Your supposed to mow your own yard ] |
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The trick is to set the bar so incredibly low, that when you do something "just average" you become her hero.
hth
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Heisman Winner [106165]
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THIS X 1000***
May 30, 2013, 3:07 PM
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All-TigerNet [13190]
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I call average above and beyond the call of duty
May 30, 2013, 3:08 PM
[ in reply to You don't understand marriage at all. ] |
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You're supposed to mow your yard, I'm not saying I do it that often. I'm trying to convince the wife it's good exercise. That way she starts mowing the yard, and then, when I mow the yard, it's going above and beyond the call of duty.
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110%er [6101]
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