ryanadidas®

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Joined: 9/27/04

I have pigs.

Jun 28, 2017, 1:14 PM

pig.jpg(221.0 K)

So you may or may not remember the hot busty chick that I posted yesterday that was selling a homemade tank top. I also mentioned that I found a woman who was giving away pigs. The pig woman called me back and had 4 available for me to pick up after work.

I have never had pigs, but we do have chickens. My house and land was once a working farm, so I have the facilities and space for pigs. I am not one to turn down anything free, and I am up for an adventure, so I said, "hell yes". (It also was a way to stick it to the wife for the Massage-Envy Debacle of '17.)

So after work, I swing by Lowe's and grab a sheet of plywood and some 1x4 (actual measurement was substantially less than 1" and 4"). I had three ratchet straps already in the truck. I fashioned this into a formidable pin for transportation. Total cost was around $15.

I show up to "Kimmy's" "house" about 20 minutes early. Allow me to set the scene:
Old single-wide trailer in Gaston
Multiple old sinks, tubs, toilets in the front yard
Piles of bricks, old lumber, old sheet metal laying around in the front yard.
The trailer and "backyard" is wrapped with many various types of steel fencing.
There is a donkey and half a dozen dogs raising hell.
There is a full grown milk cow laying on her back steps.
Maybe 60 or so chickens running around.
The remnants of her 90+ pigs raising hell.
The place smells horrible. She later explains that the smell is from a few hogs that she butchered a few weeks ago. She left the remnants on the ground because "maggots make great protein for chickens".

"Kimmy" shows up and tells me that my truck is too small (Dodge Dakota) and I'm too small (6', 210lb) to load these hogs (4 at 80-120lb each). I tell her that I got this sh*t. She goes inside to change out of her work clothes. As she is walking in, a dude on a motorcycle rolls up. She says, "oh, that's just "Gerald"" and walks off. She doesn't tell "Gerald" who I am. I got a bit nervous that "Gerald" may think that I was nailing his old lady or something... Not to worry, "Gerald" is a friendly dude. We shake hands and make small talk. He tells me that he also has to go inside and put on some "nasty clothes". This guy wasn't exactly dressed to the 9's, but who am I to judge.

20 minutes go by and they both emerge from the trailer... wearing the same clothes. Their energy level appears to be much higher, a likely side-effect to whatever drug they were using.

We jump in the pen and wrestle these pigs down. Then we throw them into my truck. One gets out and runs off across the lady's yard. She thoroughly cusses me out because of my "f*cked up tailgate" that wouldn't close. "Kimmy" and "Gerald" get into an argument about how to properly treat their guests. "Gerald" mentions that they're getting divorced - I never realized that they were married...

Anyways, I get three of the pigs loaded and haul ### before anything bad happens. When I get to my truck, I realize that my wife has been blowing up my phone wondering why I am late for "date night". I had told her that I was bringing home a surprise - she is convinced that it is a new car. After I didn't answer my phone for an hour, she tracks my iphone to a trailer park in Gaston. Rightfully so, she is angry and scared.

On the way home, I found a busted watermelon in the road. I stopped and gave it to the pigs. They seemed to enjoy it. Other than that, the drive home was pleasant. The wife kept calling me asking me what the surprise was - I wouldn't tell her.

I pull up in the driveway with the wife standing in the yard. She had some choice words for me, but agreed to help me get them out of the truck and into the pen. This was an ordeal in its self, but it is sufficient to say that we cussed each other out, pigs nearly escaped, but ultimately I was able to get them into the dog pen.

Now I am on a quest to find cheap/free food for these girls and get a proper pen built a good distance from my house.

Here's a picture of them as proof.

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S??? ????? ???? ??? ??????? ?????? ???? ??? ??????,
S??? ????? ?? ?? ???????? ???? ? ??????? ??? ????? ?????..

- @ryanadidas®'s Bitmoji is wearing adidas
- Glad you like that... It was on purpose.

- Dodge Dakota ? Love you brother but POOOOOOR
- Tell me about it. It's a 2004. Haven't had a car payment since 2006. 205K miles and running skrong (knock on wood). If I had a nice car that would be less beer money, and the boss man wouldn't ever give me a raise again if he thought I had enough extra money to buy a car. Plus - it has already turned into a beater truck, which as we all have learned this week, is hard to find.

- Gaston ? Hope you got your rabies shot
- No shiz. I hardly ever go there (once or twice in my life). I've heard lots of stories, but it was way worse than I imagined.

- Pigs ? Pigs ?
- FREE, F R E E

- Fix the got #### tailgate
- Beater truck so no. I broke it by trying to sling a deer carcass out of my truck bed by backing up quickly at the corner of one of my fields. Backed right into a pine tree. Oh well, YLYL.

- Feeding your pigs essentially roadkill ? ARe you sure YOU don't live in Gaston
- Nah. I'm fairly "country", but those people looked at me like I was a big-city yankee banker or something. They actually called me "city boy" multiple times. I guess it's all relative.

- You let your wife track you ? How many ways can you be so wrong ?
- she used the "find my iphone" thing. I guess she knows my itunes password. Whatever, I ain't got nuthin' to hide. (plus if I changed my password, she'd think I was up to something)

I have pigs.

I heart this.***

Hey man, how about cutting your grass?***

MAYBE HE IS GOING TO GET SOME GOATS SOON***

Re: MAYBE HE IS GOING TO GET SOME GOATS SOON***

Re: Hey man, how about cutting your grass?***

I have trouble believing this because

Re: I have trouble believing this because

No I don't

These are the type of real life stories that make the lunge

So how do you plan on slaughtering them before you eat them?***

.22lr to the head, cut the throat

These look domesticated so that might work, however

Just know that pigs scream like a human

Hey, that is the processor I used!

Re: Just know that pigs scream like a human

So you're saying he shouldn't #### them

Makes me LOLUTZ at the memory.

Which one is actual footage?

It wasn't winter, and it wasn't Mexico.

Can we get a height/weight on Kimmy?***

You edging too?***

it's going to be voluminous.***

She was a sturdy gal, but not fat. Curvy in the right places

I raised a pig a few years ago for cookin.

she tracks my iphone to a trailer park in Gaston

for those tl;dr folks

Re: for those tl;dr folks

Ok. I akshully read it all and have just one question

I'm not going to Gaston

Oh, it's a cultural experience you shouldn't miss***

A 360 view of the literal HEART of downtown Gaston

Negatory. That's the upscale area. The worst part

You're right. I had a typo... fixed it.***

Lutz, my brother taught at Sandhills Middle School for a few

Re: Ok. I akshully read it all and have just one question

Yeah bring your own meth pipe next time instead of sharing***

Option #2 if you care to hear.....

Let's not use the "P" word with Obed and RobertN around....***

My bad. Haven't gotten this week's edition of

I was JK, by the way.

Criss-cross-applesauce gets me.

ITT I ahve learned the following

Re: ITT I ahve learned the following

cute bitmoji bruh***

WHO'S SCOK?????***

Gerald? That you?***

Re: Gerald? That you?***

Moar pics

you see, you always lead off with pigs of pigs***

This was a good read, but it left me wanting...

Did y'all even try to recover #4?

You ever seen a hog run? Their actually pretty quick and

Re: Did y'all even try to recover #4?

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