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Rock Defender [54]
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Important discussions needed to be had in the Jounge
Nov 20, 2013, 3:43 PM
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2 for 1:
Topic 1- Old man loud pewps.
Our office bathroom is in the middle of the offices and it's like there's an intercom from the crapper to everyone's office. These two old guys go in everyday, and it's like someone sitting on a whoopie cushion and dumping a five gallon bucket of hog slop into lindsay lohan's vag at the same time.
So my question is- does age somehow make men have chronic diarrhea? Is this something I should look forward to in the future- the daily cleansing of my colon on a liquid level- or is it just that these men are obese and raging alcoholics?
Topic 2- Hemorrhoids and #### Fissures.
Another old man (my father in law) recently confided in me that he was having laser surgery for hemorrhoids. I mean- GOOD GOD man, how bad do they have to be to require LASER surgery? I don't even understand what a hemorrhoid is?
Who (other than TXTF) has had them?
What did they have to do to fix them?
Pain scale (1-10?)
Is this another thing I'm going to have to look forward to when I become an old man?
K thanx bye.
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CU Guru [1321]
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People without gallbladders poop like someone dumping
Nov 20, 2013, 3:52 PM
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a bucket of mud on a sidewalk.
As do people with gallbladder problems, which obesity is likely to lend itself to.
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Rock Defender [54]
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pretty sure both these guys have
Nov 20, 2013, 3:54 PM
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functioning gallbladders.
Maybe not livers, but definitely gallbladders.
Should I assume your lack of answer to the second question means you have/had the roids?
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CU Guru [1321]
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If I knew what to expect from roids, I'd give you the skinny
Nov 20, 2013, 3:57 PM
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For once my ignorance doesn't pain me.
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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CU Medallion [54759]
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Have you asked??
Nov 20, 2013, 5:10 PM
[ in reply to pretty sure both these guys have ] |
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DontH8me's #### ysis is solid...er..well, you know.
I've got a co-worker/friend (who's NOW in good shape) w/ some sort of GB issue (heard from another friend, and don't remember if it's gone or still there and just a potato)
says when he poops, it's basically a faucet....and it's several times a day.
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CU Guru [1471]
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I had a hemorrhoid that I wish someone would have lasered
Nov 20, 2013, 3:53 PM
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off. One of the most painful and uncomfortable weeks of my life. I am 30. My mother in law works at a gyno office and they had some samples of some good ointment for the preggos that get roids. Worked like a charm. But had to discuss my cornhole with my MIL.
edit: a hemmorrhoid (this one at least) was like a big hurtful bubble protruding from my poo hole. I wanted to pop it. Probably nickel sized?
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Rock Defender [54]
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I think I'd
Nov 20, 2013, 3:55 PM
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rather have had the laser if I were in your shoes.
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110%er [6101]
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CU Guru [1471]
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Oculus Spirit [79508]
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I guess what I don't understand is what, exactly
Nov 20, 2013, 4:30 PM
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is peeking out of your ###? Is this just tissue? I'm really scared for my future now...
And who the hell willingly runs 10 miles even without a hemorrhoid??
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CU Guru [1471]
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They are swollen veins.. Actually everyone has hemmoroids
Nov 20, 2013, 4:34 PM
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but they only hurt when they get irritated or something. They are just veins. Go ahead and wiki it... Good times.
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CU Medallion [54759]
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and they have the same mindset as a fart...
Nov 20, 2013, 4:45 PM
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there's more room on the outside
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Oculus Spirit [79508]
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Sounds like my Monday morning dumps...
Nov 20, 2013, 3:55 PM
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Hope it doesn't become an everyday thing, cause some have had me close to vomiting.
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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Re: Sounds like my Mudday morning dumps...***
Nov 20, 2013, 3:57 PM
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CU Guru [1723]
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I had one...himroid
Nov 20, 2013, 3:57 PM
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Not pleasant, but not terrible. More annoying than anything. Kinda got raw from wiping. None of this was NEARLY as painful as getting on all fours, spreading my ### checks and asking my wife to look at this thing and tell me what the hayul it was.
Now I only did that because I was scared I had some kind of colon cancer that was making my insides fall out and was about to dead.
It went away on its on after about 3 weeks.
Man...I'm glad I got to share that with such and understanding and non-judgemental group of joungers...whew!
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Rock Defender [54]
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hold up
Nov 20, 2013, 4:00 PM
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insides falling out!?
What the hayull are these evil things? I thought it was just like a sore bung or something? You mean something is coming OUT!? What the heck is coming OUT!?
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CU Guru [1723]
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Re: hold up
Nov 20, 2013, 4:01 PM
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Something was hanging from my bhole dude...I didn't know if was inside or out but knew that it must mean death was imminent. So had the wife look to confirm it was just swollen tissue from the edge of my bhole...death averted.
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All-In [38288]
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It's kinda like blowfly girl
Nov 20, 2013, 4:02 PM
[ in reply to hold up ] |
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but without all the #######.
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CU Guru [1321]
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What is Blowfly girl?***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:07 PM
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Oculus Spirit [82021]
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I am dead serious, do NOT look it up. I scarred myself
Nov 20, 2013, 4:47 PM
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this morning. It involves a demented and disgusting girl putting maggots and rotting meat in her vajaja, that's all you need to know, it's an absolutely awful story.
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CU Guru [1321]
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That's all the info I needed.
Nov 20, 2013, 4:49 PM
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*Will look up later. And probably fap repeatedly anyhow.
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CU Guru [1723]
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CU Medallion [54759]
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don't let blowfly girl hear you say that***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:54 PM
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CU Guru [1723]
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I highly recommend NOT GIS'ing Himroid.
Nov 20, 2013, 4:04 PM
[ in reply to hold up ] |
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Groce doesn't begin to describe it. Mine was small compared to what you will see.
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Heisman Winner [105934]
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what if you GIS the correct spelling of hemorrhoid?***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:06 PM
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CU Guru [1723]
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Deer Greenr...bite my himroid***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:07 PM
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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R/popping***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:11 PM
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CU Medallion [54759]
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NO....NO.....NOOOOOOOOstevecarrell.gif***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:24 PM
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All-In [34756]
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did Stephens or Briggs pop it for ya?***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:59 PM
[ in reply to I had one...himroid ] |
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CU Guru [1723]
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Is this a reference to Manning folk?***
Nov 21, 2013, 7:23 AM
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All-In [34756]
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yessir***
Nov 21, 2013, 1:57 PM
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Rock Defender [54]
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I know there are more old men in here
Nov 20, 2013, 4:11 PM
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with daily water pewps and laser-destroyed hemorrhoids.
I'm looking for guidance here gentlemen. Share your wisdom with a young man fearing what nature has in store for him!!!
Is this an evolutionary certainty, or are there guys in le jounge who have cheated this fate!?
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Heisman Winner [105934]
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supposedly you will lose the ability to aim your pee across
Nov 20, 2013, 4:13 PM
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the bathroom and land it in the toilet. The stream gets weaker and weaker as you get older. And your ears continue to grow. Floppy ears, floppy dong, #### bubbles, and water #####. Getting old sounds fun.
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Rock Defender [54]
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ICT's great uncle
Nov 20, 2013, 4:18 PM
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used to bring his friend around (Dave). Dave was in his 40's, and aside from being obsessed with every night of binge drinking culminating in a happy ending at the local strip joint (even though he was hanging out with his brother in law), he would also stand on one side of a van and pee from one side of the van, over the top, and to the other side. Craziest thing I've ever seen. He was Jewish and we always figured he (like Hank Hill) just had a very narrow urethra.
#truestory
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CU Guru [1723]
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Rock Defender [54]
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I already do that from time to time
Nov 20, 2013, 4:19 PM
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and I'm only 31.
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Heisman Winner [105934]
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PSA: Make sure you don't sit on your nuts during box squats
Nov 20, 2013, 4:34 PM
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#highschoolweighlifting
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Rock Defender [54]
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yep
Nov 20, 2013, 4:37 PM
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or when carrying your niece on your shoulders... sorry BIL, didn't mean to drop your little girl...
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Orange Blooded [2618]
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Re: I know there are more old men in here
Nov 22, 2013, 10:32 AM
[ in reply to I know there are more old men in here ] |
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51 year old here! Had one roid last year. Not that bad. No atomic dumps at this point.
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CU Medallion [54759]
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NOT THRILLED THAT I ACTUALLY HAVE WORK TO DO...
Nov 20, 2013, 4:22 PM
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just squatted on this thread HARD.
1) dunno, have wondered myself...if there's an exact age, let me know as I'll arrange to be at the top of a cliff the day before.
2) yes, wasn't a 'bad' one...had some creams that knocked it out once i 'diagnosed' it...that was the worst part. the realization.
oh, and your wife telling you to 'just push it back up in there'. those scars are still healing
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CU Guru [1321]
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Why was his wife looking at your roids?***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:25 PM
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Rock Defender [54]
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she likes
Nov 20, 2013, 4:27 PM
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hair sweaters, OK!?!?!
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CU Medallion [54759]
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something something pregnancy something susceptible
Nov 20, 2013, 4:34 PM
[ in reply to Why was his wife looking at your roids?*** ] |
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convo went a lil summin like dis
D: My b whole ain't right
She: Maybe you gots a roid
D: Nah...nope. no way.
rinse & repeat a few times....
She: go 'feel'...
D: What am I looking for?
She: You'll know.
I knew.
Oh...did I know.
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Oculus Spirit [78876]
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So, the clitoris DOES exist???***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:49 PM
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CU Medallion [54759]
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i put that cream on for hours***
Nov 20, 2013, 4:54 PM
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Heisman Winner [105934]
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CU Medallion [60261]
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wish I could help but can't
Nov 20, 2013, 4:42 PM
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not old but not wet behind the ears either. I can remember Reagan in office.
Never had a roid or even had to look up in fear of what one was.
Only squirts are from massive beer intake and/or bad food.
I've never drank coffee so not sure; have heard that does bad things to digestive tracts.
I would guess poor diet, lardass-itosis, and coffee factors in more than age.
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All-TigerNet [12763]
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I've had a pretty ###### day
Nov 21, 2013, 8:02 PM
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And this thread, for some reason, had me laughing my #### off.
Thanks Jung. It's like sum ###### up therapy session in here. Can always count on this place to make you feel normal.
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Rock Defender [54]
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I won't go full soccerkrzy on you, but...
Nov 22, 2013, 9:54 AM
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you could thank the thread creator with a point...
kinda surprised this generated the number of responses it did, but only received 3 points...
#pnt_hoarin
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All-TigerNet [12763]
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There's 2 fer ya
Nov 22, 2013, 10:44 AM
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now you better go lube that #### butterbean before it's raw.
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Replies: 50
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