Fabulous Gay Wedding Recap

May 24, 2017, 12:13 PM

Hadda step out for a minute, Mawldin.

Friday: Delta flight at 6pm through Laguardia, getting us into Logan at 11:10 for the 90 minute drive to Ogunquit. Inexplicable delays (later found out it's because Laguardia was on groundstop, a common occurrence there, but Delta did not 'splain this). Get in at 1:30am instead. Shuttle to car rental station. All counters are pretty much empty, except...Budget. Budget had about 70 people in line. 12 computers, and 2 people working. All these people had reservations, and Budget had...2 people working. 2 HOURS LATER, at 3:30am, we have a car. Get stopped at the gate leaving the parking garage because some issue with the paperwork 2 cars in front of us. Positive we're being trolled or on candid camera at this point. Arrive at hotel at 5:15am, in time to see sunrise.

Saturday: slept til 11:30. Met grooms at Barnacle Billy's, had rum punches and overpriced lobster roll, met some other family, made decision on how truthful our stories from Charlotte 15 years ago would be. Decided no filters, because whatever, we're like adults now. 2:30pm: Cocktail Hour. Drank lots. Then dinner. Our end of the table knocked 3 wine glasses over in 3 separate incidents. Classed that joint up. Crashed a bachelorette party at next table. Made them tap out and leave. Actually, there was nobody left in the restaurant when we left, but I'm sure that had nothing to do with us. Lotsa good catching up with the Charlotte crowd, most of whom I haven't seen in 10-12 years.

Sunday: up early enough for breakfast at The Wild Blueberry. Had lobster eggs benedict, which is now the standard for every other benedict I will ever eat. Had it again the next morning. Walked down to beach in 62 degree weather. Nobody in water, because I'm guessing the polar bears would eat you--that shit was cold. People bring full size shovels to the beach in Maine and build giant sandcastles, because ain't nobody going in the water. Ceremony at 1pm at Beachmere Inn, pretty fuggin' great. I was the only one in seersucker, surprisingly, but every gay dood was jealous and wanted some 19B. Reception was 4 blocks away at The Roost, and a guy announced that you aren't allowed to walk in public with drinks, BUT "this town only has 2 cops, and only one is on doody, and he can't catch all of us." Reception was killer, drank much. 19She started hitting a wall at 6pm, so with minimal convincing, her world was opened to the wonders of Adderall. She was like a bottle rocket after that. Drank like a fish and was still reasonably functional--had to drag her out of the last bar at 12:30 or 1am, and we were the very last of the wedding party. There's a heterosexual surprise buttsechs story from later that evening, but since I enjoy not being divorced, that'll remain at a high-level. It was accidental though, I swear.

Monday: travel back, more Laguardia delays. Still recuperating. Solid 9.5/10 weekend, top 3 wedding easily. Highly recommend the Maine May gay wedding scene.