What does the average University of South Carolina student get on his SAT?

• Drool.

How do you keep South Carolina Gamecocks out of your yard?

• Put up goal posts

How do Gamecocks brain cells die?

• Alone

What does a South Carolina Gamecocks fan do when his team has won the BCS championship?

• He turns off the PlayStation 3

What does a South Carolina native and a bottle of beer have in common?

• They’re both empty from the neck up

What do you call a South Carolina football player with a championship ring?

• A thief

What does a Gamecock grad call a Clemson Tiger grad in 5 years?

• Boss

Why do Carolina Gamecocks football players use body heat activated deodorant?

• Because it’s the closest they will come to getting a “Degree”

Why do the South Carolina Gamecocks eat cereal straight from the box?

• They choke whenever they get near a bowl.

What’s the difference between a South Carolina fan and a carp?

• One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?

• On the University of South Carolina campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.

Did you hear about the University of South Carolina fan who locked his keys in his car?

• He couldn’t get his family out.

What do you call a good looking girl on the University of South Carolina campus?

• A visitor.

Did you hear about the fire in the University of South Carolina’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?

• The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.

Do you know why the University of South Carolina football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?

• Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How do you make University of South Carolina cookies?

• Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.

What do you get when you cross University of South Carolina fan and a pig?

• Nothing. There’s some things that a pig will not do.

How many University of South Carolina freshman does it take to change a light bulb?

• None, it’s a sophomore course.

Q. What did the South Carolina graduate say to the Clemson graduate?

A. “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”

A South Carolina Gamecocks fan walks into a doctor’s office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, “How can I help you?” The frog replies, “I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt.”

Two University of South Carolina fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.

The first South Carolina fan says to the second, “Boy, I wish I could do that.”

The second South Carolina fan replies, “Yeah, me too. But I wouldn’t try it.”

The first South Carolina fan asks, “Why not?”

The second South Carolina fan replies, “Because I’m afraid the dog might bite me.”

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a good South Carolina joke?”

The guy next to him replies, “Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I’m 6′ tall, 200 lbs., and I am a South Carolina grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6′ 2″ tall, weighs 225, and he’s a South Carolina grad. And the fella next to him is 6′ 5″ tall, weighs 250, and he’s a South Carolina grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?”

The first guy says, “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”