From the diary of Clark Griswold....vacation review

Apr 19, 2019, 12:11 PM

TLDNR warning

Participants - Mr. Tiggity, Mrs. Tiggity, 3 Little Tiggities ages 18mos, 5 yrs, and 10 yrs.

First off we had to carry a car seat and booster seat. (Free to check btw).

Phoenix - 1st stop. Flew in, grabbed minivan rental, crashed in hotel near airport, then headed nawth to the hinterlands for the Grand Canyon following AM. Not much to make an opinion or impression really.

Drove to Sedona and ate cactus fries and rattlesnake at some place. Sedona is a huge tourist trap, but just outside of town are some cool short hikes in the VERY red canyons. Place looked like Mars. Drive back from Sedona to interstate was a nail-biter. Switch backs reminiscent of the hairiest Blue Ridge roads you can imagine. Snowed around Flagstaff, and interstate got a little slippery, then it cleared up. BTW, 85 in Phoenix dropped to 31 in Flagstaff, and we went from sun to snow, with the obvious dress changes for all participants.

Learned speed limits are TOTALLY negotiable in AZ. Most interstates had a 75mph speed limit. Cars passed going 90+ all day. Also learned interstates have 6% grades that make the Saluda grade look like a small hill. 500 miles driven and I did not see ONE car pulled over. Or even a wreck or even a traffic jam really.

Get to Grand Canyon. Eat supper in same hotel Clark Griswold stayed in. Kids showed everyone how well they behave in restaurants by launching olives with forks everywhere. Youngest also was sick by this point, which we suspected before leaving.

Took tour to all the overlooks around the next day. No one fell in although our guide was kind enough to show us two exact spots where people fell this year. Wife of had a death grip on 18mo old son whole day. I wrangled 5yo and 10yo myself. We had a couple with us on the tour from NYC and the guy had to pose at every dangerous spot possible to take a selfie.

Upon returning to room we had to shoo away the Elk to get inside. THEY ARE MASSIVELY HUGE, like a horse. Kids loved the Elk and 18mo old kept saying "Elk, Elk, elk....." for hours. They were tame and you could walk right up to them.

By end of Grand Canyon 5yo was sick too. It spreads. Take a detour on way from Grand Canyon to Route 66 in Williams. Decided to follow Route 66 from Seligman to Kingman. Biggest nthing drive you've ever seen. LIKE NOTHING. Oh, by now 5yo was good and sick. Barfed in the minivan somewhere between Peach Springs and Hackberry. 10 minute delay for cleanup and dress change. Get to Kingman and decide to grab lunch at Arbys. 1yo then barfed all over the seat in Arby's. He returned their meats. Another cleanup and we're off to Vegas.

Arrive at Bellagio and wife is now sick. It spreads. Check in room. Ask about the price list for minibar because I was by now DESPERATE for liquor. Guy says the list is on the TV. Decided against a $16 minibottle of Jack with a $10 coke. Ate at some place in the hotel because tired. $130 for freaking hamburger-meal, I'm like ###. Next day found a CVS across street from hotel which saved $300 at least. I bought a $15 BOTTLE of Jack Daniels and other snacks.

Oldest son and I went out at night to watch the fountain and lights and ended up walking around for an hour. Sidewalks were packed. Just a mass of humanity. Next day we went to the Hoover ### for the ### tour. Well, the ### tour was closed, so we got pics on top of the ###. Thanks gubmint. It was tax day afterall.

That night we went to the Cirque du Soleil at Treasure Island. Basically an acrobatic show with a bunch of costumes that screamed "TESTICLES". Anyway, halfway through the show 1yo barfed on Mrs. Tiggity. She got up and split. I walked back after with two oldest. By now I'm sick too. It spreads.

Woke at 5am and just barely made our 8am flight. Coming down my ears never popped. Still haven't. Sinuses are raging now. Left airport in Charlotte to drive home and hit rush hour traffic. Then around Rock Hill the interstate was closed. We detoured through BFE and bypassed. Took 3 hours to get home from Charlotte (ugh).

Overall probably 7/10. Not impressed with Vegas. Was much more fun when gamblers ran the place. I spent nothing at the tables because I was tired of paying $8 for a beer and $100+ hamburger meals and $18 a day to park a rental car at the hotel. It's clear they're offsetting gambling earnings with expensive food, parking fees, room rates, etc. Interesting though that I never saw even half the tables full in the casinos. In ANY of them. Caesars, Venetian, Bellagio, Treasure Island, etc. Also interesting to note that those who were gambling were almost all older people, my age or older. Millenials don't gamble evidently.

Almost forgot...1yo barfed a third time in the hotel room, luckily on the Italian marble floor. Had to get the hotel to clean it (another tip).

Message was edited by: Tiggity®