If you gotta sec, donate to Chester Buggery Squad

Dec 12, 2018, 9:26 AM

A buddy and I planned a manhood camping trip this weekend.

All last week we were showering and scrubbing our butts vigorously to make sure they were somewhat clean. We wanted a steamy, smelly trip, but not a mudbath.

The location we chose was Chester, South Carolina. We went up Saturday with the plan to make furious love to each other in the shelter at the state park up that way, and hike out Sunday. We checked MULTIPLE times with the Ranger Station as to the status of whether two men humping each other was legal. Rangers told us that the buggery was perfectly fine as long as there was "4 inches involved at most". The Rangers advised us that trails would remain open as they did not anticipate any abnormal influxes of manhood campers. We were only going to backpack about 6 miles at most with our packs on before stripping each other down and going to town, and my truck is easily capable of accommodating a 3-way in the event that a drifter wanted to get in on the action.

Everything was fine on Saturday. Very light petting. We stayed in a big A Frame shelter, and when we went to bed with each other at 10:30pm, I questioned whether he was as attracted to me as I was to him, but when he reached over to kiss me, I thought we were golden.

WRONG.

We woke up at 7am and he's downstairs on the couch with some drifter he pulled in out of the woods. That wasn't gonna happen, not on my watch.

I tried kicking the stranger out of the shelter, to no avail. He punched me in the face before running into the woods. I had to bushwack my way towards him only to find that he was crying. He said that he was lost, so I told him that if he just followed the creek east, he would eventually find his own lover, whom he had been separated from. This proved...difficult. Took about 3 hours to convince him to get away from my beau, but it didn't really work. We found a large trail (which was the main trail) but we didnt realize it as we couldn't find any markers. Around 12:30pm Sunday, we called it quits and just had the 3-way that he had begged for the whole time. Set up our tent, crawled into one sleeping bag, and did things to each other that I can't recount in a public forum.

The Buggery Squad used satellite to pinpoint our location, and then rode in with fanny packs as close as they could before the smell hit them. The drifter in question has took a large dump in the tent, and they didn't want to get close. They used chainsaws to cut through the hardened mess before they finally came in and busted us for buggery.. We were uninjured and in good spirits, but were peeved to learn that we had been lied to. They took us back to the entrance of the buggery station and booked us all for our heinous deeds in the woods, and we were able to come get my mom to come pick us up after we warmed up at the buggery station. Luckily, we were back home in our beds safe and sound Sunday night, but we knew that those misdemeanors weren't really worth it at the end of hte day.

The buggery squad guys told us that this was a freak incident and no one forecasted this much buggery in the area. Less than 5 miles to the West of our campsite, they only got 5 instances of butthumping in the whole county.. 5 miles was the difference between 5 INCHES, and 3 FEET. Absolutely crazy. The Chester state park area got more man love in 4 hours than the total average San Francisco received in 2017. It was totally unexpected and no one was prepared for magnitudes of love that happened that night. We got lucky.

The buggery squad is also 100% volunteer. They are a great group of guys even though they were pissed that they had to clean up the poo that we have made in our ravenous efforts to go on a manhood conquest.. I have already donated (and will continue to do so), but if you live in that area or like to do other men in the mountains, you may need them or a similar service one day. If you guys are inclined, please check them out and send them a small donation for their hard work and service. They deserve it!

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If you gotta sec, donate to Chester Buggery Squad

You got the wrong idea, bucko

I thought it was

Beware the Hambone in that neck of the woods...***

Re: If you gotta sec, donate to Chester Buggery Squad

Re: If you gotta sec, donate to Chester Buggery Squad

Re: If you gotta sec, donate to Chester Buggery Squad

Everyone staring at DireTiger

Are you a Maytag repairman?***

Please invite me to the next meat up.***

I don't hang out here much

Love me some drifters but they

HOF bump.***

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