GMHWYW?

Mar 26, 2019, 4:04 PM

Didn't have time to post yesterday, but this really should be shared. Took off Thursday morning for dude's golf trip that I somehow got roped into. Whatever, excuse to go drink like a fish for 3 days and look at teddies. 6 Clemson guys, and one extra that the organizer went to Emory with for grad skool, we'll call him "Dave", since his name is Dave.

2.5 hour drive, park at noon for 12:30 tee time, no time to go to range, so we're going in cold. Should be noted that this Thursday round was my second round in the last 6 years since I quit the game after a miserable round after the 2013 GT Thursday night game. No trips to the range, nothing, for 6 years, besides a round back in October. Had never met Dave, but he was paired in our 4some in the other cart. He seemed pretty serious on the first couple tees, and scolded us for talking during his backswing. SERIOUS BUSINESS. But he was also pouring heavy handed Weller with ginger, although I never saw the ginger. By the time we get to the turn, he's all kinds of happy and slurring. We get to the last few holes, and Dave can barely stand. Finish the round, and one of the guys has to drive Dave's car to the condo.

2 condos in Barefoot Landing (or whatever the condos on the other side of the waterway are called), and luck of the draw, it's 3 of us in one 4 BR condo, and the other 4 (including Dave) in the other. Huge units (lulz) and really could have slept all 7 in a single condo, but I'm glad they split it up.

Met up with the other crowd a few hours later, and Dave had taken off. He threatened to fight the guy who didn't want to give him his keys, so, hey, whaddya gonna do? If you have a 4 in front of your age, you pretty much gotta own your actions. Go to crappy dinner at Logan's across the street because only place close/open, and Dave shows up, shitcanned. We grab an Uber to Thee Dollhouse because teddies. Try to get Dave into Uber instead of driving, almost worked, and he ran off. He showed up at Thee Dollhouse. Spend a few hours and a couple bucks being debaucherous, Dave takes a nap or two between lapdances, and then we all leave. Except Dave. Dunno what happened to him.

Get up Friday on 3 or 4 hours of sleep to go play Dunes, apparently the nicest course in MB, and one I have no business being on. Sorta expected Dave to show up, but not surprised at the no-show, either. Hacked it up, drank lots, carded a 114. Yes, a 114. It'd be embarrassing if I wasn't drunk enough to not care. Also had a 111 and a 112 in our group, so whatever. I got my money's worth.

Dave not responding to texts or calls, we assume he's in jail, and hope not dead, but nothing would be particularly surprising. One guy looks on MB arrest/booking site, and whaddya know...there's Dave. Booked at 1:50pm on Friday for "pedestrian intoxication". Not sure what that is, but it doesn't sound like a DUI, so that's good? Call detention center, not seeing a judge until 10am Saturday, so he's written off for Saturday's round, too.

Play Saturday, and gatdam if Dave doesn't show up in time to play the extra 9. In the same clothes he was wearing on Thursday. He figured he was getting divorced anyway, so he was going to get his golf in. He went to dinner with us that night, and gracefully bowed out of Thee Dollhouse. He DID however give us his $900 of stripper dollars (clever strip clubs have these instead of ATMs, and of course, they can only be spent there) for picking up his $20 dinner. So we all walked in armed with teddycash.

Quality weekend. I'm guessing Dave isn't invited back next year, but the $900 was pretty good salve for the grief he caused (most of us were merely amused, but the organizer was getting grief from his wife and Dave's wife like it was his fault). Also, if you haven't ever seen a fox squirrel, go look those up. They're bigger than housecats, and fearless, like steal-food-from-your-cart fearless. I don't know how I've lived in SC as many years as I have an never seen one in person.