Orange Blooded [2535]
TigerPulse: 89%
Posts: 4163
Joined: 10/10/08
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Timeline:
Sep 17, 2010, 12:53 PM
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Friday, late night, in Auburn, Ala: Dabo finishes up poker game with old Alabama friends and coaches– eyes his cards, stares down opponents (sunglasses crack on one player’s face), lays cards down, sez “ALL IN”. Players at table capitulate with weak hands. He rakes a pile of chips towards him. Table trembles.
Friday morning, before dawn: Auburn legacy man Pat Sullivan wakes up, shivering, heads to a sports bar early, anticipating the game day experience, but something doesn’t feel right...
Game opens, we drive, line up for field goal to take early lead. A tiger-striped cat enters field, undetected. Tiger FG kicker, new to stage, splits uprights precisely from 42 yards, for 3-0 early lead. The cat ascends goalpost, walks across crossbar on national TV. It’s the CAT, man.
Speaking of which, on the kicking game, later, Auburn actually stuffs us for a series, and Zimmerman launches a punt. At nearby Huntsville military base a UFO is identified in Auburn area air space. They sound alert.
Da’Quan, moved by unseen forces that Auburn fans seem unaware of but all Clemson fans can see clearly, seems to play with extra ferocity. He becomes problematic for Cam (later to be re-named) and the fair-weather announcers pick up on this new development...
Unsung quarterback Kyle Parker, dissed, overlooked in the shadow of Cam, and un-talked about before the game, rifles STRIKES all over field to unsung, un-talked about receivers named Nuke, Allen, and McNeal. He delivers a hero’s performance and enters the national conversation as a quarterback, not a baseball player...
One Tiger player, shaking off a bowl performance and gimpy knee, comes out angry, hot, bristling, wreaking general havoc and MAYE-hem. It’s Maye-Day everyone...
ESPN talking heads and Corso explode into gibberish. Corso is tarred and tiger-furred.
Orange Tiger Pawed Moo-Cow Blimp appears over stadium, drops down during their players’ entrance, blocks ESPN cameras. It says, “Eat more chizik-en” the company logo sez, “CHIZIK FILET”
“Chop blocks and laptops” is incorporated into a Jimmy Buffet dirge on Auburn football...
During Game:Hurricane center in Miami, notices unusual “storm center” entering Eastern Alabama area out of Gulf. When asked about its origins all they could say was “H*LL if we know! It’s just some New Storm.” So the new storm is called H*LL, which stands for “H-arper and ELL-ington”. About H*LL, an Auburn priest stands after the game, Auburn defensive carcasses scattered about on the turf, reading last rites to the mournful Auburn Nation:
“Come! Look before us! I looked and there before us was a pale Tiger. Its O-Line was named Death to opposing defenses, and H*LL followed close behind them. They were powerful and could knock down with crunches and beatdowns, wreaking plagues and famines on defenses...”
Late in game, EZPN announcer remarks, accurately and colorfully:
“And we thought the ‘blue-out’ was just spirit wear for Auburn fans. Apparently it’s the appearance and condition of Cam Newton after getting bruised and battered by Clempzon’s defense all day!”
Close game, we’re down 5, late minutes, and here is Newton, passing the ball. D’Mac intercepts! He evades all Auburn tacklers but one.... the stadium hushes to the sound of an eagle’s feather hitting the ground. Newton is the only tackler left to between D’Mac and goal line. D’Mac’s finger of death comes up—Orange Nation in a déjà vu seizure stands up in their living rooms and stadium seats... D’Mac is pointing at Cam....... Somewhere Danny Ford on a Pendleton farm is next to a cow, TV screen hung from barn rafter. He stands to watch. Frank Howard rolls over, sits up in his grave, stands and looks on. The curtain of Cemetery Hill is torn in half, and greats like Bank McFadden stand and watch this collision in the making...
A CRUNCH, and a funereal, pale silence falls upon the blue-clad crowd...
...At the end of the play, Newton writhes(shaken badly but not hurt) on the thirty-eight, and a hushed crowd can only hear Pete Yannity somewhere in a radio box yelling “orange in the endzone”. Metaphorically, an “S” is added to the front of Cam’s Name...
Tiger victory. Pat Sullivan the legacy man leaves the sports bar where chaos is breaking loose, goes to a greasy red spot where no one knows his name, orders a pitcher of beer, imbibes, and cries into it.
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